The Stupidest Things Team Gai Have done
by Ally1313
Summary: Team Gai has kept VERY busy over the timeskip. And I've been VERY busy writing about it. Insanity to no end. Don't read if you value your sanity. Chapter 22- Drabbles Galore! Don't sue me!
1. Gai confesses

First chapter edit! Woot!

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It was a beautiful day in Konaha, a happy, joyous day. Kids played in the park and birds were singing. Teams at training grounds were taking their lunch breaks, it was about noon.

But one team was not.

Gai slowly paced in front of his students, who were standing in their usual formation. Tenten on the left, Neji in the middle, and Lee on the right.

All three, though Neji would never admit it, were worried. He was usually loud and exuberant, sometimes even annoying, and it was strange to see him so depressed and solemn.

Was something wrong? Did someone die? Was it Ninkame? (They wished, his turtle was so annoying.)

Finally, he stopped and looked at them.

"I have some good news and some bad news."

There was no doubt about it, Ninkame had left this earth, but he had life insurance so now Gai was a multi-millionaire.

" The bad news is that I am really a...a..." Gai then looked away as though he couldn't say it.

"A..." He students sad, encouraging him to go on. Did they get any share of the money?

"A pickle." All three gasped.

Lee then reached into his pocket and handed Neji $20.

"The good news is I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."

_Geico, fifteen minutes can save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance._

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Well, that's the first one! On to the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, stop rubbing it in my face!

-Goes off to cry in a corner-


	2. Lee atempts to write a story

More randomness! It well never end! Unless I get to 20 chapters...

**EDIT: **Okay, it's edited! This one was basically just fixing grammar and spelling, and changing things like 2 to two. Wow...that sounded weird.

Pairings- NONE! There might be some later...

Disclaimer- I own nothing... I feel so depressed... If owned Naruto I'd buy Canada!

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#2- Lee attempts to write a story

It was a youthful day, just like any other, as I headed towards our training grounds, exited at the prospect of seeing my youthful sensei. Suddenly, I spotted HIM. My eyes widened as cheap music started to play.

"Gai-Sensei!" My voice came out slow and deep as I ran slowly, my arms outstretched.

"Lee!" Gai-Sensei dragged out the last two letters in his, slow, deep voice. He too was running in slow-mo.

Rabbits and butterflies went past us in normal speed.

"Gai-Sensei!" I cried, tears pouring down my face.

"Lee!" Gai-Sensei also had tears pouring down his youthful face. It was so magical. –Sniff-

The flowers were blowing in the wind, smelling lovely.

"Gai-Sensei!"

"Lee!"

THUMP. Our two bodies slammed into each other in a youthful embrace. Sunsets and waves appeared in the background as we enjoyed our "happy moment."

**_FIN_**

"So what did you think?" Lee asked his two teammates, his eyes wide and hopeful as the two looked up from the piece of paper, eyes wide and mouths open.

"It was… um… well… inspiring." Tenten replied.

"It was?" Lee asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Sure." She replied sighing.

"Good, because I'm thinking about publishing it in a book!" Lee said smiling. Then, Neji spoke for the first time that day.

"Are you kidding me? That was a piece of crap!"

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Yep. That's it. REVIEW!

Next chapter- Lee sings to Gaara!


	3. Lee sings to Gaara

More randomness! WHOOO!

Thanks for the reviews!

Pairings- NONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto or the Song... I wish I did.

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#3- Lee sings to Gaara

"Are you sure this is safe?" Tenten asked her teammate.

"No, but it's only Lee, who cares?" Neji replied.

"No one but-"

"Sh. He's starting."

Lee walked up to Garra, smiling. Anyone else would have been writing their will.

"Gaara, can I sing to you?"

"No."

"Uh, Okay. I am anyway. Hit it!" The lights went out except for one, which shone on Lee like a spotlight. A guitar started to play…

_Oh yeah,_

_Tell you something_

_I think you'll understand_

_When I say that something_

_I wanna hold your hand_

Oh, god. Lee was clapping and dancing in a circle around Gaara. Passerby's stooped to watch…

_I wanna hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand_

The clapping started again…

_Oh please _

_Say to me_

_You'll let me be you man_

_And please _

_Say to me_

_You'll let me hold your hand_

Neji and Tenten were amazed. Not at the fact that he was still alive, but he was pretty good…

_You'll let me hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand_

_And when I touch you I feel happy…inside_

_It's such a feeling that my love_

_I can't hide_

_I can't hide_

_I can't hide_

_Ya you_

_Got that something _

_I think you'll understand_

_When I say that something_

_I wanna hold your hand_

Gaara, and all of Konaha for that matter, stared at the singing, clapping, green spandex boy…

_I wanna hold your hand_ _I wanna hold your hand_

It was scary…

_And when I touch you I feel happy… inside_

_It's such a feeling that my love _

_I can't hide _

_I can't hide _

_I can't hide _

But good. People started clapping along….

_Ya you_

_Got that something _

_I think you'll understand _

_When I feel that something _

_I wanna hold you're hand _

Who knew Lee was so good…

_I wanna hold you're hand _

_I wanna hold you're hand _

Lee got louder…

I wanna hold your hand!

Lee finished by going down onto 1 knee. Everything was quiet, except the damn cricket. Everyone stared at Lee, then started to clap and cheer. However, what Team Gai was interested in was Garra's reaction. "That was the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me!" Gaara sobbed. Wow. "Gaara!"

"Lee!"

"Gaara!"

"Lee!"

The 2 hugged, then strolled of towards the sunset, holding hands. It was the start of a beautiful new friendship…

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That's it. Really screwed-up,I know.

By the way, they aren't gay, just friends!

REVIEW!

Next chapter- Neji puts on the Green Spandex Suit!


	4. Lee wins a Tank

Yep, another chapter. I know last time I said this chapter would be about Neji wearing spandex, but this story kept poping up in my head, so I'm writing it down.

I GOT LOTS OF REVIEWS! YA!

Pairings- None really.

Disclaimer- I don't own notin'! Stop rubbin it in!

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"I think this is the right house." Guy-in-buisness-suit number 1. 

"Then knock." Guy-in-buisness-suit number 2.

_Knock. _

Lee opened the door.

"Hello. Are you Boulder Lee?"

"No, I'm Rock Lee. A boulder is a large rock, greater than 256 MM (10 in) in diameter. A rock is a smaller version of a bo-"

"Ya, whatever. Anyway Rock Lee, youhave just won a tank."

"How?"

_Cricket. Cricket._

"I don't know. All that matters is now you have a tank."

"YOSH!"

GIBSN1 rubbed his ear. "That was my ear..."

"Sorry. Would you have prefered if I screamed in your foot?"

"Wait, what?"

"What?"

"What did you say?"

"Would you have prefered if I screamed in your foot?"

"How do you scream in my foot?"

_Cricket. Cricket._

"Here go the keys to your new tank."

"Thanks!" The two buisness people ran away, thinking _This guy must have been dropped on his head as a baby. Who knows the diffrence between a rock and a boulder?_

Meanwhile, Lee was trying out his new tank.

"I wonder how this thing works?" Lee mutterred to himself. Only one way to find out...

Lee pressed the biggest, redest button he saw.

**_Boom!_**

The vaperiser gun shot, and hit a tree. Theburst into ashes with a small _POOF._

"Guess that's not it." He muttered, then pressed the secondest biggest, redest button. The tank immediatly rocketed foward at 500 miles an hour.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Lee screamed, enjoying the ride. Within three minutes he was inside the main part of Konaha.

Sakura and Ino were having a civilized confersation bi the Icharaku Ramen Stand.

"Ino-pig, Sasuke is mine!"

"No he's not forehead girl! He obviosly loves me! He's my boyfriend!

"Idiot, no he's not!"

"Yes, he is!"

"No, he's not!"

-Insert sounds of vaperising gun that just burned of Sakura's hair here-

"Oh my... HA! Sasuke will never love you now that you have no hair!"

-Insert sounds of vaperising gun that just burned of Ino's hair here-

"Well, now you have no hair either Ino-pig!" Then, the two have a cat fight.

Meanwhile, Lee is shooting everyone while trying to find the brakes on the damn thing.

"Yosh! Where are the brakes?" Lee screached from inside.

Outside- AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! There is some freak in a tank shooting us all! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! MY leg! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Inside- "I wonder what this will do?" Lee wondered, pressing the big button...

Outside- A bomb dropped. 1/2 of Konaha was destroyed, but the tank lived...

Inside- "There we go!" Lee said, pressing this big, red, shiny button.

_BOING._

It was the eject button. Lee flew over what was left of Konaha, over the forest, and into his training grounds.

"Lee! My youthful student! You have finally arrived!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sen-"

Neji came and smashed in Lee's head with a baseball bat. Then Tenten said "Did you hear? There was some homicidal maniac in town with a tank!"

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Yep. That's my screwed-up chapter.

Also, I NEED IDEAS! When you review, please give me ideas! Thanks, I'll give you credit in the chapter!

Next chapter- Neji puts on the suit


	5. Pokemon!

Yep, it's time for another screwed-up chapter. I will write about Neji in Spandex later. I've got writer's block. Sorry!

Yep, Sasuke is supposed to be Sudawudo in Gold ans Silver version of Pokemon.

Pairings- None.

Disclaimer- I'm tired of writing this every frickin' chapter! I don't own Naruto or Pokemon!

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Lee was up late in his room, playing Pokemon Silver version. And so begins our fucked up tale.

The next morning, Lee was walking to training when saw Sasuke dressed up as a tree spying on Itachi. This is when he remembered the part in his game when he had to squirt the tree with the spray bottle. Sooo, he squirted Sasuke with the spray bottle he got out of thin air.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Susuke screamed at Lee.

"Oh my gosh, it's wild. I must catch it! Neji, I choose you!" Lee pulled out one of those pokeballs you get a Burger King. He threw it at the ground, and Neji came out.

"What the fuck!" Neji screamed after looking around.

"Neji, use flame thrower!"

"I don't know flame thrower!"

"Wrong answer!" Lee screamed, pushing a big, red button. (AN- I love big, red buttons!")

_BRSHHHHHHH!_

It was one of those buttons that shock people.

"Now, use flame thrower!"

"I don't know flame thrower!"

Sasuke looked between the 2 of them, then used his giant fireball thingy.

"Look, he knows flame thrower!" Lee screamed.

"I don't care!"

"Wrong answer!" Lee said, pressing the big, red button, again.

_BRSHHHHHHH!_

Neji was shocked again.

"Now Neji, evade the flame thrower, and use quick attack!" Lee screamed.

"Why should I?"

_BRSHHHHHH!_

"O.K., stop doing that!"

Neji ran to the side, so the fireball missed, then punched Sasuke in the face.

"Good job, now come back!" Lee screamed, then, don't hurt me, pulled out tons of pokeballs, and threw them screamin "Gotta catch em all! Gotta catch em all!"

Every shinobi in Konaha started popping out of the balls, looking around screaming "What the fuck!"

Exept for Gai of course.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gotta catch em all!" Lee screamed, throwing a pokeball at Gai, hit him in the head, and gave him a concusion.

Soon, Lee ran out of Pokeballs!

"Oh no, how will I catch them all without Pokeballs?"

So, Lee ran to Burger King.

"I want 3 kids meals!"

"Would you like fries with that?"

"Um.. sure."

"What drink?"

"Coke."

"That will be $4.50."

"O.k." Lee handed the nice lady $4.50.

-Back with Sasuke and all the other "Pokemon"-

"OK, I'm back!" Lee screamed.

They all looked at him, then screamed "Attack!"

"Oh no!" Lee screamed, while running away from the mad "Pokemon" "I know I should have beat Bugsy, the second gym leader! He has the badge for up the leval 30!"

That night, Lee was up late in the hospital playing Pokemon.And so ends of our fucked up tale.

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Wow, it was a lot better in my head. I couldn't out in everything I wanted, or else it would be 50 pages long.

Next time- Whatever fucked up story I come up with.

REVIEW, AND I STILL NEED IDEAS!


	6. Room Inspection!

Hi! Sorry it took so long to update! I'm at camp, and I'm using the Internet from my friend's cell…

Anywho, this isn't exactly a thing they did, more like just something random I've wanted to do for a while now…

Pairings: Slight Nejiten… the best pairing ever! Also, little Leesak… or more like an odssesed Lee xD

Disclaimer: I like pie. If I owned Naruto, I'd buy all the pie in the world, and Canada with the change.

Announcer: Hello everyone! I'm your host, Bob! Thank you for watching…

Audience: Get Inside a Naruto Characters Room! Wahoooo!

Bob: The only show on prime time that takes you inside your favorite characters rooms! Today's victims… Team Gai! First up, Rock Lee!

XxxxIn Lee's Room xxxx

Bob: And we're back! We are now currently in Lee's room. Lets look around, shall we?

The room was green (big surprise) and covered with all sorts of photos… of squirrels, the team, Sakura, and Gaara with big X's over them. (Their friendship from chapter 3 had ended when Gaara tried to kill Lee…)

Bob: Wow… Great room. Nothin exiting here. Let's check out his closet, shall we?

Bob walked over to the closet, opened it…

Bob:Holy shit. Holy shit's shit.

Lee closet was more of an altar to Sakura. There were pictures of her, strands of her hair, and even a piece of her used bubble gum.

Bob: Obsessed, now are we?

Bob turned around.

Bob: Now, onto Tenten's room!

XxxxxIn Tenten's room xxxx

Bob: Welcome to Tenten's room and… woah.

Her room was… we couldn't tell, the place was chalk full of weapons and scrolls. It was the whole room! Weapons, scrolls, more weapons, a picture of Neji with hearts on it, more scrolls…

Bob: Wait! What's this?

Bob picked up the picture of Neji.

Bob: Awww… I wonder if she sleeps with this? Let's see if she has an altar in her closet?

Bob walked over to her closet, opened it, and out pored many, many weapons and scrolls.

Bob: Guess not. One obsessed, lovesick idiot is all this team needs. Of course, we haven't seen Neji's room yet…

XxxxxIn Neji's roomxxxx 

Bob: Man, this is worse then Lee's room!

Neji's room was black, with notin special. There were some rolls of bandages on the floor, a picture of Tenten, and a picture of Sasuke, Hinata, Lee, and Gai with darts through it, but that was about it.

Bob: This place is boring.

Bob flipped the light switch, then the walls turned around, exposing burning caldrons, a torture table, several skeletons chained to the wall, and an old man chained next to the skeletons.

Old man: I'm free!

Bob: Fuck. I'm getting out of here.

Old man: Don't leave me!

Bob just turned and ran.

Ya, that's it. I can't write anything that long since I'm paying my friend for this.

By the way, this all happens in the 2 year break between the Sasuke retrieval ark and Naruto 2, so they're around 14-15.

Review! I'm not updating until I get at least 15 more reviews! Becomes chibi… and if you don't I'll never update and be very sad!

Next up: Finally! Neji in spandex! (I got my brother's help… He came up with the idea for the Pokemon story. The rest are mine!)


	7. Neji in Spandex!

Here it is, Neji in Spandex! Wahoo! I wrote this at 12:00 am, after drinking 4 sodas, so don't kill me.

Pairings: None!

Disclaimer: I'm tired of writing this ever chapter, I don't own Naruto, GEICO, the Macerena, the Kung-fu Hamster song, or the song about a farmer who had a dog named Bingo.

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#7- Neji in Spandex

Neji woke up in the morning, having the worst migraine of the century. He felt like he was run over by 4 busses, 6 trucks, and an airplane. He groaned and got out of his bed, feeling like he was about to puke. He walked over to his mirror, looked in it, then started to go to the comfort room when he did a double take.

He was in green spandex.

Oh, dear.

-The night before-

Gai was taking his team to a bar to celebrate the fact that all 3 of his students had managed to pass the chunin exams, even if it did take 2 tries. So, he took them to a bar.

Not a very good idea.

Once at the bar, Gai came up with a masterful plan. He immediately left, ran to his house, closed all the doors, turned off all the lights, and laughed evilly as lightning crackled in the background.

Not really. But he did do this in his mind, though. He excitedly whispered to Lee "Lee, come over here."

"Yes, sensei?"

"I have an idea." Gai said evilly.

"Yosh, what is your wonderful and youth-"

"Shut up Lee!" Gai burst out.

Lee looked hurt "I'm sorry…"Lee mumbled, on the verge of tears.

Gai looked at his mini-me sadly. "It's ok. I understand."

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

Big rock, crashing waves, cheap music, blah blah blah, you know the drill.

Anywho, after that, Gai told Lee his wonderful idea.

Then, they put their plan into action. Gai went up to the counter to get them drink and something to eat while Neji, Lee, and Tenten went to get a table.

When Gai-sensei came back, he said, "Here's to your promotions!" He said, raising his glass after handing out everyone else's.

Just as he thought, all of them then chugged their entire glasses.

"That water burned." Neji said, putting down his now empty glass.

"Oh really?" Gai-sensei asked.

"Ya…" Neji said looking into space.

"Well, I'm going to get us some more water." Gai said, hoping up.

Lee was trying his hardest not to laugh, while Tenten just looked at the 2 of them, wondering what was wrong with them. Luckily, Gai came back and handed out more water, or so what Neji thought was water.

Neji then chugged the other glass of what he thought was water. It was becoming quit obvious that it was not water. For one thing, Neji's face was flushed, and he had a just-got-laid smile on his face.

Lee and Gai barley were able to hold their fits of hysterical laughter down. Tenten just looked between the 3, then sighed. It was going to be a long night.

"Want some more _water, _Neji?" Lee asked, about to burst out laughing.

He didn't answer. They took that as a yes.

-6 glasses of _water_ later-

Lee and Gai didn't even try to hold down their laughter anymore. Neji was basically high. He ran all over the bar, challenging random guys to fights.

They laughed, then slapped each other high five, when a menacing shadow came over them.

They gulped, then looked up. There was Tenten, looking down on them with her _you-are-so-going-to-get-it _look. It was not pretty.

"What did you give him?" She asked angrily.

"Water." Gai-sensei replied, hugging Lee while trembling.

"Water would not make him do that." She said, pointing at Neji, who was now attempting to run while standing on a barstool. The stool spun around in circles, while he did not, looking like one of those idiots who just keep running and running and not getting anywhere…

"Ummm…." Gai said, while trying to keep himself from laughing. No suck luck. He and Lee both burst into laughter, pounding their fists against the table.

"Ugh! You guys are hopeless!" Tenten yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. Then, she stormed out of the bar.

Lee and Gai simply looked after her, then at eachother, then burst out in laughter again.

"Lee, I know what we should do now!" Gai-sensei cried.

-In the boys bathroom-

"Get him!" Gai cried, pointing at Neji, who was running around in circles singing while wearing nothing but his boxers. It was a very funny sight.

Yep, you guessed it, and if you didn't pretend you did, they were trying to get Neji to put on the dreaded Spandex suit.

That's when it all started.

"Screw this…" Gai-sensei mumbled, pulling a BAR (Ballistic Assault Riffle) and shot Neji in the head. He died. Boo-hoo.

Not really.

"Lee, hold it open!" Gai screamed, then picked up Neji. Neji kicked and screamed things nobody could understand, while trying to stuff him into the suit.

At this moment, Sasuke realized that Orichimaru was a gay wad, and came home to Konaha. However, it was a long journey, and he had to go tinkle. He should have gone before he left, but did he? No. So, he looked around, and saw a bar. Hopefully, it would have a bathroom. He ran in and asked the bartender, "Where is the bathroom?" He pointed to the left; Sasuke said thanks and ran to the bathroom.

Once he got in, however, he saw Gai holding a kicking, screaming Neji around the waist, trying to stuff him into a green Spandex suit that Lee was holding.

He turned and left. Orichimaru wasn't that bad…

Gai and Lee lied on the floor, panting, while a still very drunk, very high, very in Spandex Neji skipped around singing about a guy who had a dog named Bingo…

"Good work Lee. We have succeeded in putting Neji in the suit."

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Neji!"

"Lee!"

"Neji!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee and Neji!"

Hug, sunset, big rock, cheap music…

Suddenly, the music stopped playing, the lights came back on, and Lee and Gai's eyes snapped open.

"Did Neji just…?"

"Ya… I think he did."

The 3 looked at eachother, Neji smiling idiotically, Gai and Lee looking confused.

(A/N- About who said what back there- Lee said the 1st and 2nd Gai-sensei, and the Neji after his name, Gai said the 1st and 2nd Lee, the Neji after his name, and the Lee and Neji, and Neji said the 3rd and last Gai-sensei and the Lee in between his name. You probably didn't get that but…)

The trio then calmly left the bathroom, left the bar, then walked to the busiest street in Konaha. Then, Neji started to sing.

"Everybody was kung-fu fighting HIYA Those cats was as fast as light…ning"

(A/N- Like in the GEICO commercial. … Don't own GEICO… Didn't own it in chapter 1, don't own it now...)

Neji noticed that everyone was just staring at him. He stopped.

Than everyone in Konaha started singing that song.

At this moment, Sasuke decided that even Neji being forced into Spandex wasn't as bad as staying with this gay wad. So, he left Oto, and came back to Konaha.

However, the first thing he saw was everyone in Konaha singing the Kung-fu Hamster song, led by Neji, wearing green Spandex. He turned and went back to Orichimaru…

Finally, the song ended, and everyone resumed their nightly activities.

"Now what?" Lee asked.

"We-" Gai-sensei started before

"Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!" Neji yelled, jumping up and down.

"Yes, Neji?"

"Where do babies come from?"

Gai looked shocked. "Ho boy."

-1 explanation later-

"And that's where babies come from." Gai finished, looking proud that he had just explained such a difficult subject. **Without losing his dinner.**

Lee and Neji sat there, twitching.

"You just had to ask…" Lee whispered.

"I want to go to the park!" Neji screamed, already getting over the "explanation".

So, they went to the park.

"Higher!" Neji screamed to Gai, who was pushing on the swings.

Gai pushed the swing so hard, he flipped the swing. Neji fell out at the top, hit his head on the metal bar, then fell to the floor. Then, the swing came around, and hit Neji in the back of his head. Then, it swung back again, and hit him in the face. This continued for quite some time, Neji just sobbing like a baby.

Gai and Lee were like: -.-

Eventually, Neji got up, and went over to the slide.

He kicked it.

Then he hopped up and down, crying. Then he abruptly stopped.

Then he started doing the Macerena.

Lee and Gai were like: O.o And people called **them** weird and random. Of course, they weren't drunk…

Then, Neji just dropped unconscious.

The Green Beasts of Konaha just sighed. It had been fun while it lasted…

-Where we started-

Neji finally manage to get out of the stupid suit, with destroying it. Yes, **WITH **destroying it, then marched over to the training grounds. Lee and Gai were so going to get it…

* * *

Yep, that's it. My longest chapter yet! Party music plays, streamers and confetti falls, and all Naruto characters come out

Me: Now everybody! Please…

Everybody: Stay off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your… face

Me: NO! PLEASE REVIEW!

Everyone: Oh…

Next up: FOOTBALL! I'm not updating till I get 10 reviews! I mean it this time!


	8. Football! Mini story Part 1!

Hi People! I'm here with the next chapter! I already know what you're thinking, Will the stupidity never end? Weeeeelll, no. Read the summary! Sorry it took so long to update, I'm too lazy to write!

Disclaimer: If you think that I own Naruto, the Eagles, or anything, then you are very stupid...

#8- Football!

"Touchdown!" The crowd roared and cheered, especially 2 Beautiful Green Beasts of Konaha. Who are these 2 you ask? Neji and Tenten. Yes, Neji and Tenten.

What? They're not the Beautiful Green Beasts of Konaha?

Right.

-Ahem-

They weren't really Neji and Tenten, they were Lee and Gai!

What? They're not either?

KAKASHI AND SASUKE!

That's just wrong.

O.K. Before you get even more lost, let me explain what's going on.

Team Gai and Team Kakashi are at an Eagles game. They have front row tickets, and Kakashi and Sasuke are even more enthusiastic than Lee and Gai! If that's possible...

Now, I bet your wondering where Sasuke came from. Well, I'm not gonna tell you.

Unless...

You give me ramen.

You haven't given me ramen yet.

What do you mean Naruto ate all the Ramen in the world!

Fine then. I'm not gonna tell you.

O.K. I will.

After the Neji in Spandex incident, Sasuke went back to Orichimaru, right? Well, that night, Orichimaru, the gay pedophile, tried to rape Sasuke. So, he came back. Luckily, everything was back to normal. Except for Lee and Gai dragging an unconscious Neji to the Hyuuga place... but there could be many reasons for that.

So here he is!

Moving on...

KILL MICHEL JACKSON!

-cough-

-ahem-

Anywho, after they had gotten their delectable, equisive, game-side treats (hotdogs, cheeseburgers, and beer), they found their seats in the front row, they were bombarded by fat, noisy, and green/white Eagles fans. They were all knocked out.

When they all woke up, five minutes later, they were knocked out at the sight of Choiji and Jiraiya singing the national anthem.

When they all woke up, three minutes, twenty-six seconds later, they heard the roar of the fans and the flashing of cameras, as David Akers kicked the opening kickoff. As soon as the guy on the other team (A/N- I can't think of one. I only know enough about the Eagles to tell you the players...) caught the ball, Tenten thought, "This isn't such a bad game. All they have to do is get the ball from each other team." Just then, Jeremiah Trotter tackled the guy, and broke his spine. The crowd went wild!

"Oh, shit!" Tenten thought, then noticed something. Lee was being unusually quiet...

So she turned slowly, shark attack music playing...

Dun dunt, dun dunt, dun dunt, DUN DUN DUN DUND, DUN DUN DUN DUND, DU-

She finally got a move on and looked to her left.

Guess what?

THERE WAS A SEAT!

AND NOT JUST ANY SEAT!

LEE'S SEAT!

BUT THERE WAS NO LEE!

Oh the horror.

"Gai-sensei! Lee's missing!"

Gai looked up from his delectable, equisive, game-side treat (beer) and intelligently said "What?"

Oh, how the great succumb to the hands of football... I love it!

"Lee's missing!"

Gai looked at Lee's empty seat. "So he is."

"Where is he?"

Gai shrugged, then went back to his delec- er, ya know.

Tenten turned to Neji, who was on her right, (A/N- This is how they're sitting- Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura, Lee, Tenten, Neji, Gai, Kakashi. Sakura wanted to sit next to Sasuke, but then she would talk through the game, so instead she got put next to Lee... Poor Sakura...) and asked him, "Where's Lee?"

He pointed to the field.

THERE STOOD LEE!

He was holding a map, looking very confused.

Neji said, "He had to go to the bathroom."

"Oh my..." Tenten whispered.

Just then, the snap, when the center throws the ball to the quarter back and says Hike, happened, and Donavan McNabb looked for L.J. Smith, and instead saw Lee. Soooo, he threw it to him.

Lee looked around, then saw a UFO flying towards him. Being an idiot, he caught it. He stared at it. Started some more. More staring. Still staring.

Then everyone on the other team's defense came charging at him.

Lee just looked at them, looked at the ball, then looked up just to be tackled.

Everyone cheered!

"Is he O.K.?" Tenten asked Neji.

"Who cares?"

"..."

"Didn't think so."

Everyone finally got off of Lee, who was now on his back on the floor, twitching.

"You okay?" The Ref. asked Lee.

"So many... so big... so painful... so... so...I like cheese..." Lee mumbled.

"CLEAR!" The medic screamed, rubbing two balloons together.

He then shocked Lee, who immediately jumped up and was revived.

"What were you doing on the field?" The ref asked.

"I was looking for the bathroom." Lee replied.

"Oh. It's down the hall to the right."

"…I don't have to go anymore..."

So, Lee returned to his seat like nothing ever happened.

The game continued uneventfully, unless you count 22 big fat guys tackling each other, until...

Tenten noticed Lee was being unusually quiet, again. Now, Lee being unusually quiet once is a miracle, twice is the apocalypse.

So she turned slowly, shark attack music playing...(Again)

Dun dunt, dun dunt, dun dunt, DUN DUN DUN DUND, DUN DUN DUN DUND, DU- (Again)

She finally got a move on and looked to her left.(Again)

Guess what?(Again)

THERE WAS A SEAT!(AGAIN!)

AND NOT JUST ANY SEAT!(AGAIN)

LEE'S SEAT! (AGAIN)

BUT THERE WAS NO LEE! (AGAIN)

Oh the horror.(Again)

"Gai-sensei! Lee's missing!" (Again)

Gai looked up from his delectable, equisive, game-side treat (beer) and intelligently said "What?" (Again)

Oh, how the great succumb to the hands of football... I love it! (Again)

"Lee's missing!" (Again)

Gai looked at Lee's empty seat. "So he is." (Getting tired?)

"Where is he?" (I am.)

Gai shrugged, then went back to his delec- er, ya know. (Ya! It's over!)

Anywho, she then looked to the field and-

"OH MY GOD!" She screamed, upon seeing Lee once again on the field, this time holding a piece of paper and a pen.

Reggie Brown came charging down the field, he was in perfect position to score a touchdown when-

_SKID. _

Reggie skidded to a stop, right in front of Lee.

"Hi! I'm getting everybody's autograph. Can I have yours?" Lee asked, holding out the piece of paper and pen. Reggie just dropped the ball and walked of the field saying, "I quit."

-In the Giftshop-

Gai, who was now quit drunk due to his delectable, equisive, game-side treat (beer), was looking around the gift shop when he saw those inflatable helmet things.

He looked at them, then in a drunken stupidity, roared and picked two up and ran towards the door.

"That'll be $25.50." The cashier said.

Gai looked at him.

He looked back.

Gai looked at him.

He looked back.

Gai bit off his head.

-On the Field-

Lee looked at the football Reggie had dropped. He picked it up.

Then he heard, "Lee! Catch!"

Gai came running onto the field, an inflatable helmet on his head, another one in his hand. He then threw it. It flew, in slow motion, over the heads off all the players, when Lee caught it, and stared at it starry eyed.

He then determinedly stuck the thing on his head, picked up the football, and charged towards the end zone.

Gai took out the entire opposing team, including the cheerleaders! With Gai's strength and Lee's speed, they were an unstoppable force.

"Touchdown!" The crowd roared and cheered! Especially 2 beautiful Green Beasts of Konaha, Kakashi and Sasuke.

I told you this in the beginning so I can get to the good part without having to go through explaining everything.

"Oh, wow." Tenten muttered, upon seeing her sensei just tackle 11 guys, and her team mate score a touchdown. "I just hope they give it up now and don't continue playing."

"Too late." Neji said. He then pointed to the huddle, where Lee and Gai stood, each with a number painted on their back in black paint. Gai was 13, and Lee was a backward 7. (Gai apparently painted on Lee's number...)

So, Lee and Gai played football, won the game 140-0, and they all went home happy.

-The Next Day at Training-

Lee happily skipped towards the training grounds, when he saw Gai-sensei sitting on a rock, with Neji and Tenten staring sadly down at him.

"Gai-sensei!"

"…"

"Gai-sensei!"

"…"  
Lee ran towards Gai, ready for their "happy moment" when-

"SHUT UP, LEE!"

"Gai-sensei?" Lee squeaked. What was wrong with him?

Gai sighed then groaned.

"Okay, students. I have a hangover. Who knows what that means?"

Lee raised his hand. "Doesn't it mean you're drunk or something?"

"No." Gai said sternly. Then, he smiled and his eyes turned into those weird n.n things. "It means I was drunk yesterday."

"No kidding." Neji mumbled.

"Enough of that, let's get to training." Gai said jumping up.

"Wait!" Lee screamed.

Everyone turned towards him.

"I have an announcement." Lee said in a very business like voice. "I am quitting being a ninja."

Everyone gasped. Then, Tenten reached into her pocket and handed Neji $20.

(You see, Neji betted both Lee and Tenten $20 that Gai-sensei was a pickle, and Tenten forgot to pay him, and finally remembered…)

"Lee! How could you?" Gai cried, hangover completely forgot.

"I'm going to…" Lee pulled of the Spandex suit to reveal a football uniform, including cleats, helmet, and black face paint, "PLAY FOOTBALL! HWAAAA!"

Neji and Tenten just blinked, while Gai said, "OH LEE! THAT IS SO YOUTHFUL! I WILL ALSO GIVE UP BEING A NINJA TO BE YOUR COACH!"

He then pulled of his Spandex suit to reveal a pink tutu, complete with slippers, tights, and a frilly skirt.

They all just stared at each other for 3 seconds, then Gai wordlessly pulled of the tutu to reveal a coach uniform complete with a striped shirt, visor, and whistle.

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"BRRRR!"

Gai blew the whistle at Lee, who was 2 feet in front of him, which made Lee jump, and screamed, "RUN! RUN LEE RUN!" The two then ran off towards the sunset.

Neji and Tenten just looked at each other, then Neji said "They'll be back."

Tenten nodded, they then proceeded to train.

-Later that Day-

Lee and Gai trudged back to the training grounds, covered in bruises and dirt. When Neji and Tenten saw them, Neji said, "Told you they'd be back."

"Shut up." Lee and Gai said in unison before passing out.

MINI-STORY!

Right, I'm going to right a mini 2-shot! Here it is!

Lee and Neji stood facing each other across the training grounds.

Then, Lee reached into his pocket and pulled out 4 shuriken. He threw them at Neji, who deflected them with his Kaiten. Then, Lee snuck up behind him, going in for a punch to the back, but Neji blocked it, then tried to hit him with Jyuuken, but Lee evaded him. He then hopped into the trees. Neji followed. They stood in their spots for a few minutes, then leapt towards each other, both ready to punch the crap out of each other, when

TENTEN CAME OUT OF NO WHERE AND PUSHED THEM OF A CLIFF!

GAME OVER

Tenten punched her fist in the air, while Neji and Lee both stared at the screen, twitching.

"I thought this was a private fight…" Lee said.

"Who wants to play Dance Dance Revolution?" Neji asked, looking to his right at Tenten and his left at Lee.

"Oh, Me!" They said in unison.

_Who will win? Who will lose? Only you can decide. Tell me when you review who should win this battle of wits, reflexes, and sick dance skills. Tune in next time to find out!_

Yep, that's it! My longest story yet! I'm so proud of myself! It took me over 3 weeks to finish this, including brainstorming, writing, typing, posting…

REVIEW! OR ELSE!

I'LL GIVE YOU A COOKIE!

Next up: Gai's House Party


	9. Gai's House Party

Hi! I'm back! –Insert Evil Laughter- 

Well, this isn't really a house party, just everyone moving in with our favorite bowl-cut, green spandex sensei. Too bad he's the only one…

Anywho, here it is!

Disclaimer- **Bye, bye Miss American Pie, I drove my Chevy to the Levy but the Levy was dry, and the good old boys drinking whisky and wine singing this'll be the day that I die….this'll be the day that I die…**

#9- Gai's House Party!

Lee, Neji, and Tenten were at Gai's house for, I don't know, use your imagination, when Tenten and Neji noticed something. There was a door that had a sign that said Lee's Room. The 2 looked towards Lee.

"Lee, do you live here with Gai-sensei?" Tenten asked.

"Yep." Lee answered happily.

"Okay, now I always knew that you 2 were close, but this-" Neji started, when Lee interrupted with, "No! It's not like that. You see, Gai-sensei pays the rent."

"He does…" Neji and Tenten said in a thoughtful unison.

-3 Hours Later-

"These are your rooms." Gai said, showing Tenten and Neji the 2 rooms on either side of Lee's room.

"Thanks." Neji and Tenten said, each wearing a backpack.

Yep, they're moving in.

-That Night at Dinner-

The 4 sat around an empty table in Gai's, now all of theirs, kitchen.

They simply started at each other.

Silence.

More silence.

Cough.

Silence.

"So… What's for dinner?"

"Depends. What do you guys want?" Gai replied.

Neji and Tenten just blinked. Lee was obviously used to this, so he said, "PIZZA!" (A/N- I'm eating pizza right now, sorry.)

Gai simply got up, walked over to the window, and opened it.

The other 3 followed, out of curiosity.

Gai then inhaled deeply, then sang out the window really loudly, and really badly, opera style, "I WANT A PIZZA! I WANT A PIZZA! I WILL NOT SHUT UP UNTIL I GET A PIZZA!"

Just then, about 50 pizzas flew in through the window. Gai expertly caught them, then walked over to the table and sat down as if nothing unusual had happened.

Lee happily skipped over singing, "YA! Pizza!" Neji and Tenten stared, twitching.

_What the heck… _was both of their thoughts.

"This pizza doesn't have enough tomato sauce." Lee said, then he walked over to the open window where Neji and Tenten still twitching, ½ an hour later, then sang really loudly, and really badly, even worse then Gai, opera style, "I WANT TOMATO SAUCE! I WANT TOMATO SAUCE! I WILL NOT SHUT UP UNTIL I GET SOME TOMATO SAUCE!"

Then, about 40 cans of tomato sauce came flying in through the window. Lee expertly caught them, then started to go back to the table, when Sasuke came through the window, yelling, "TOMATO! GIVE ME TOMATO!"

"No, my tomato!" Lee screamed back.

Sasuke jumped on top off Lee, and the 2 wrestled over the tomato sauce. Just then, Gai looked up from his, what, 48th slice of pizza, noticed Lee and Sasuke fighting, and he said, "Hi, Sasuke. Want some pizza?"

The 2 stopped. Then Lee threw the tomato sauce to Gai, screaming, "CATCH!"

Gai, of course, caught it, so Sasuke jumped towards him, wanting his precious tomatoes. Gai, upon seeing a foaming at the mouth Sasuke, sprinting towards him, did the only thing a normal person would do, he threw it to Tenten.

When Sasuke charged towards her, his eyed turning red, not Sharingan style, threw it back to Lee.

Lee threw it to Gai.

Gai threw it to Tenten.

Tenten threw it to Lee.

Lee threw it to Gai.

Gai threw it to Tenten.

You get the point.

Anyways, they did this for quit some time, Sasuke acting like a wild man, now on four legs, when Gai missed and Neji caught the tomatoes.

When Sasuke came charging towards him, he threw the tomatoes out the window.

"NOOOoooOOOoooOOO!" Sasuke screamed, jumping out the window after it.

All was silent.

Then, Sasuke kicked down the front door, bags in hand, and said, "I'm moving in."

"THEN WE'RE MOVING IN!" Came 2 voices from behind Sasuke. Guess who? Yep, Sakura and Ino. They then came in through the door, each carrying like, what, 150 bags?

"Ino-pig, Sasuke doesn't want you here!"

"Like he wants you here, billboard-brow!"

"Wahoo! Cat fight!" Neji screamed, pumping his fists in the air.

Everyone turned to him.

"Neji, did you take your medication this morning?" Gai asked.

"…maybe…"

"You know what happens when you don't take your medication!"

Neji simply stared at Gai, then ran around the room screaming, "Wheeshnaw!"

Everyone stared at him twitching, exempt for Gai, who went into the kitchen to get Neji's medicine.

He came back out with a giant, 3-foot needle, saying, "Come here…" Laughing quit evilly. Neji's eyes got small, as he ran away screaming, with Gai charging after him, laughing like a maniac.

Lee, Tenten, Sasuke, Sakura, and Ino sat own with popcorn.

Neji leapt over the back of the couch, Gai followed, Neji ran up the stairs, Gai followed, it was quiet for a few seconds, then Neji came down the stairs, screaming, while Gai followed, still laughing like an evil maniac.

Everyone cheered!

"I bet $50 on Neji." Tenten said to Lee.

"I bet $50 on Gai-sensei." Lee replied.

"Deal." They both said shaking hands.

Then, Neji leapt out of the window, Gai followed. Then, they heard outside the door, which magically repaired itself, "Damn. The door's locked."

"I'll get the key."

Shuffle, shuffle.

The sound of a lock being undone, the door opened, and Neji sprinted in, screaming at the top of his lungs, Gai followed with the big ass needle, everyone continued cheering.

They continued like this for a while, until Neji made the fatal mistake of running into a corner. Gai followed, saying ,"You've got no where to run." He then laughed evilly, Neji whimpered, curled up in a ball, when Gai stuck the big ass needle into Neji's butt.

Neji stopped whimpering, and stood up. Gai stopped laughing like a maniac, and the 2 rejoined the group as though nothing had happened.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Who wants to watch Dora the Explorer?" Gai asked.

"ME!" They all screamed.

"DORA THE EXPLORER!" Gaara screamed, running in, followed closely by Temari and Kankuro. The 3 all had bags.

"Yep, and it even has special captions." Gai replied, putting in the DVD.

"We need potato chips." Ino said.

So, Gai walked over to the window, and sang out the window really loudly, and really badly, opera style, "I WANT POTATO CHIPS! I WANT POTATO CHIPS! I WILL NOT SHUT UP UNTIL I GET POTATO CHIPS!"

Then, about 60 bags of potato chips flew in threw the window. Everyone caught a couple of bags.

Then, Choiji charged in threw the door, screaming, "RRRROOOOAAARRR! POTATO CHIPS!" He grabbed a bag, sat down on the couch, and started eating them. Shikamaru followed, carrying both of their bags. He dropped them on the tower of bags by the door, and sat down next to Choiji.

Everyone just blinked, then Gai started to press the play button, when Ino and Sakura both screeched, "ACK! A BUG!"

Then, Shino came in through the window, wearing a Batman uniform and yelled, "Did somebody say bug?" in a real heroic voice.

Not really.

But Shino did show up, followed by Kiba and Hinata, all three carrying bags. Heck, Akamaru also had his dog house strapped to his back. Shino went over, and got the bug. Then the 3 all sat down to watch Dora the Explorer.

-On the Street-

Naruto looked left, then right. "WHERE IS EVERYBODY!"

-Back in Gai's Apartment-

Gai went to press the play button again, when Naruto came charging in, carrying his bags, saying, "Here you all are!"

He dropped his bags on the ever growing pile, and sat down on the floor to watch Dora and all her goodness. (A/N- Did that sound wrong?)

Gai started to press the play button again, when the door opened, once again, and there stood all the senseis! There was Kerinai, Asuma, Iruka, Kakashi, Baki, Ebisu, Tsunde, Shizune, Genma, Anko, Hayate, Hiashi, and Jiaraya. "We're moving in." They all said, then dropped their bags on the pile, which immediately doubled, and sat down to watch Dora.

Gai's living room was now extremely crowded.

To make matters worse, The sound 5, (I think it should be the Sound 6) came with Orichimaru and Kabuto.

"We heard you were having a house party." Orichimaru said.

"No, everyone's just moving in." Gai corrected.

"Well, then…" Orichimaru and the rest pulled out bags and dumped them on the ever growing pile. "

"You also won't mind I invited the Akatsuki."

Then, the entire Akatsuki came in, added their bags, then sat down.

Gai started to press the play button,

WHEN HAKU AND ZABUZA SHOWED UP!

"I thought I killed you!" Kakashi yelled.

"You did, but we came back from the dead for the purpose of this story."

"Oh. Okay. Have some chi-"

"CCCCHHHIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPSSSSS. RRRRROOOOAAAARRRR!"

Now, with everyone there, they finally watched Season 1 of Dora the Explorer.

-The Next Morning-

"MEDICATION TIME!" Gai screamed.

"YA!" Everyone lined up, ready for their medication, except for Neji, who had amazingly disappeared.

"Now, no pushing! I know you all want your medicine, but you have to form a single file line!" Gai screamed.

They all obeyed.

Just as Naruto was getting his medication (Anti-Believe-It pills among other things) a knock on the door came. Gai fought his way through the sea of people. Even Neji came out from his hiding spot, under the couch, to see what was happening.

THERE WAS A HEATH INSPECTOR GUY!

"Hello, I have heard that you have over 40 people living in this one house, am I correct?"

"Damn straight."

"Well, that's over the limit. I'm afraid some of you have to go."

"Not a problem." Gai turned around, picked up Neji, Lee, and Tenten, and threw them out the window.

He turned back to the health guy.

"Still too many."

So Gai jumped out the window.

"Perfect."

Mini-Story Part 2!

"_Who wants to play Dance Dance Revolution?" Neji asked, looking to his right at Tenten and his left at Lee._

"_Oh, Me!" They said in unison._

The 3 stood in front of the T.V, ready to show of their mad dance skills. (A/N- pretend that 3 people can play DDR at once…kay?)

The music started. It was… The HAMSTER KUNG FU FIGHTING SONG!

The 3 danced liked crazy! None of them had ever seen so many arrows…

THEY DANCED LIKE CRAZY!

All 3's legs had turned to rubber, why did they put it on very hard? WHY?

Then, the 3 got in the zone.

They danced like their feet were on fire!

They actually were in Lee's case, but…

Finally, it was over. The three stood, panting.

The scores were shown.

Player 1- Lee- A

Lee cheered! 

Player 2- Neji- A

Neji just said "Hn."

Player 3- Tenten- A

Tenten was too tired to do anything.

And the winner is…

DRUMROLL PLEASE!

THIS CHICKEN!

"What?" The three said.

Sorry… the winner is Player… 2!(Neji)

"Noooooo!" Lee screamed, dropping to his knees.

"Lee, it's just a game…" Neji started, when Lee got the weird flames things in his eyed, and he said, "Now I must run 2,000 times around Konaha, ON MY EYELASHES!"

He then jumped out the window.

The other 2 just stared at him.

"Play you again." Tenten said turning to Neji.

"You're on." He answered.

THE END

Yep, that's all for now. Record timing for finish! It only took me 3 hours to write this whole thing! I had so much fun… 12 am, 6 cans of soda, and some doughnuts…

YA!

Now, for the bad news. School is starting in a week, so I'll only be able to update like, once a month. Sorry! But I'm going into High School next year, and –ugh-

REVIEW! THE MORE REVIEWS, THE MORE MOTIVATED I'LL BE TO SKIP STUDYING AND WRITE!

Next up- Neji Gets Fixed!

Preview:

Gai turned to Neji.

"Neji, there comes a point in every man's life when he must be…fixed."

"What does that mean?"

"Basically, your testicles will be ripped of."

-------

"Don't worry, this will only take a second." Tenten said sweetly.

Neji gulped. "And how exactly are you going to …fix me?"

She smiled and took a step towards him.

"Oh shi-"

_RIIIIIIIPPPP!_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHIWANTMYSOFTPILLOWNAMEDPOOPOOAHHHHH!"

-------

"Don't worry, if you're lucky they'll grow back." Gai said.

"Did yours?"

Gai burst in to tears. "NO! WHY DO YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN?" He then ran out of the hospital room, crying.


	10. Neji Gets Fixed

Yes, it's time for another chapter! WAHOO!

Disclaimer: **THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS, AND IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS! SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT, NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, AND NOW THEY KEEP ON SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE IT IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS, IT GOES** –brick gets thrown at head- **THUNK **–falls over unconscious-

#10- Neji gets fixed

it had been a long and hard day of training, and all 3 were ready to go home. Too bad Neji couldn't until he had a little "talk" with his sensei. They never turned out good…

Neji sat on a log, while Gai paced in front him, his hands behind his back. Finally, he stopped and turned to Neji.

"Do you know why I want to talk to you?" He asked.

"Because… you want to give me the rest of the month off to destroy the main house" He asked hopefully.

"No."

"…"

"You see, there comes a point in every man's life when he must be…fixed."

"What does that mean?"

"Basically, it means you have to have your testicles ripped of."

Neji flinched. "Why?"

"Eh, I don't know."

"Then why do we?"

"Because…" 

"Because why?"

"Er…"

"Er why?"

"Listen…"

"Listen why?"

"SHUT UP!"  
"SHUT UP WHY?"  
"BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO!"  
"YOU TOLD ME TO WHY?"

_SMAK._

"Right then, you can either be fixed by someone you know, or some random hospital lady."

Neji thought for second, rubbing his sore face. "Who would it be if it was someone I knew?"

-At the Hospital-

Tenten smiled down at Neji, He sat on one of those weird table things, wearing a hospital gown and one of those cool bracelets that has your name on it and all that other stuff.

Tenten was wearing a nurse's uniform.

Yep, you guessed it.

Well, you really didn't guess it because I told you so much in the last preview…

ANYWHO!

Tenten was going to be the one to fix Neji. God have mercy on his poor soul…

"So, ya ready?" Tenten asked.

Neji didn't answer.

"Neji?"

No answer.

"NEJI!" Tenten yelled in his ear.

"WHAT!" Neji screamed back.

"Are YOU READY!"  
"MAYBE!"

-Downstairs in the Waiting Room-

Gai, Lee, Tsunde, and some random guy with no relevance to the plot looked up.

"Wow, I hope she doesn't kill him." Tsunde said, upon hearing more yells.

-Back with Neji and Tenten-

Both regained their cool composure.

"Okay, let's do this." Tenten said, using her battle voice.

Neji paled.

"Don't worry, this will only take a second." Tenten said sweetly.

Neji gulped. "And how exactly are you going to …fix me?"

She smiled and took a step towards him, then

"Oh shi-"

_RIIIIIIIPPPP!_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHIWANTMYSOFTPILLOWNAMEDPOOPOOAHHHHH!"

(Ah, I want my soft pillow named poopoo ah)

-Later, in Neji's hospital room-

Neji sniffled.

"Don't worry, if you're lucky they'll grow back." Gai said.

"Did yours?"

Gai burst in to tears. "NO! WHY DO YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN?" He then ran out of the hospital room, crying.

Neji just blinked.

Lee looked at Neji, then ran out the room, crying like his larger twin.

Neji blinked, again.

He was all alone.

Then, Tenten came in and sat in the chair right by his bed.

"Hi, how ya you feeling?" She asked him.

He simply gave her the Patented Hyuuga Death glare.

Hyuuga Death glare, 2006 copyright the Hyuuga clan, Hyuuga Death glare is a trademark of the Hyuuga clan. All rights reserved. (A/N- Read really fast so you don't get what you're reading)

"Oh, come on. It was me or some random lady you don't even know.

Neji turned away, then pouted. "I needed those."

"What for?"

Neji turned back to Tenten, then said

CENSORED FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 17  
"Wow." Tenten said. Neji had just given her sex-ed in less than 2 minutes. GO NEJI!

He smirked.

Tenten said, standing up, "I don't feel comfortable being alone in the same room with you."

"Why? I can't do anything to you now."

"Yes, you can. Read this."

She then handed him a copy of Icha Icha Tactics.

Icha Icha Tactics, 2003-2006 copyright Jiaraya the Super perv. Icha Icha Tactics and all other Icha Icha products are trademarks of Jiaraya the Super perv. All rights reserved.

-5 minutes later-

Neji stared at the book intently, having a major nosebleed.

Tenten had left right after she had given him the book.

Then, something hit Neji hard on the head, harder then the time he threw a brick straight up, "WHY DOES TENTEN HAVE THIS BOOK!" Inner Neji screamed.

-At Tenten's house-

Tenten was just about to get into bed, when she heard a knock on the door.

She answered it.

It was Neji.

"Why do you have this book?" He asked, holding up Icha Icha Tactics.

"Oh. It was on Gai-sensei's assigned reading list."

"It was?" Neji had thrown the list out, after reading the first title, "Why Youth is So Mother FKing Important"

"Ya."

They both stood their quietly.

"Neji?"

"Ya?"

"Go back to the hospital before I use you as a weapons target."

"…"

"…"

"Okay."

-The next week at training-

Lee sat on a log, while Gai paced in front him, his hands behind his back. Finally, he stopped and turned to Lee.

"Do you know why I want to talk to you?" He asked.

Yep, that's it.

Maybe it's a good thing Neji can't have children now. If he did, it would go something like this…

It was a peaceful day at the main house. Everyone was sitting around, laughing, talking, when suddenly, the wall blew up!

Everyone turned as red and black filled the room! Tons of mini Nejis and Tentens ran in through the big hole in the wall! Then, they started to beat the shit out of all the main house members!

In the distance, by the hole in the wall, Neji stood, laughing evilly! He screamed, "Yes, kill them all my evil little minions!"

Then, he stopped and looked at his watch.

"Oh, shit. It's 6. WE'VE GOT TO GO HOME FOR DINNER!"

All the little chibis looked up from their bloody carnage, then ran towards the hole in the wall.

"MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!" Neji yelled, waving the little kids out, as they jumped out the hole, opening parachutes.

After all the little chibis jumped out, he turned back to the bleeding main house.

"I'll be back. And not right before dinner, when we have to leave just when it's getting good."

He then followed his min- er, children out the gigantic hole.

-Later-

"Shhh. The coast is clear, get in." Neji said to his army of 5-year olds. They all immediately jumped in through the window.

"Now, then, don't mention this to you mother, all right." Neji said, when a menacing voice came from behind him, saying, "Don't tell me what?"

Cheap horror music played as Neji turned around slowly, to face none other than –gasp- Tenten.

"Well?" She said, tapping her foot.

"Er…"

"Daddy took us to kill the main house again!" Yelled a mini Neji.

"He did…" Tenten said, glaring at her husband, who was shaking and whimpering.

"Kids, go wait in the kitchen." Tenten said, not taking her eyes off Neji.

They all obeyed.

Outside the kitchen door, screams could be heard. Really loud screams. The kids all shook, scared for their father's safety.

Then, all was silent. Tenten came in, and calmly closed the door behind her.

"Dad won't be joining us for dinner tonight."

Silence.

"Mom, did you beat the shit out off Daddy again?"

Well, that's what it would be like.

YES, NEJI WOULD USE HIS OWN CHILDREN TO KILL THE MAIN HOUSE!

REVIEW! It'll make me happy…

By the way, I have no idea where this chapter came from. All the others had some meaning, like the first one. I was eating a pickle while watching a GEICO commercial, or the 3rd, when I listened to that song for 3 straight hours.

Next up- Tenten; Boy or Girl?

-Preview-

"What are you 2 doing?" Neji asked.  
Lee and Gai, jumped, falling out of the tree.

"we're trying to find out whether it's a boy or a girl.

"Who?"

Neji looked in the window. "Tenten?"

----

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeaase."

"No."

"…I'll give you sugar to use your Byukugan to look…"

Neji though for a second. It was very tempting…


	11. Tenten Girl or Boy

Hi, peoples! I'm BACK! Aren't you lucky…Okay, I was reading my story when I noticed something terrible, I HAVEN'T PICKED ON TENTEN YET! NOOOOOOO! Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimito, my home boy! XD

---

#11- Tenten; Boy or Girl

It was 2 o'clock in the morning, and Gai crept though the streets of Konaha, dressed all in black.

He was on a very important mission; Get Lee.

Lee was dreaming about squirrels and all their squirrley goodness, when he heard a knock on his window. He woke up, and opened the window.

Who do you suppose was there?

THE MUFFIN MAN!

Sorry, I've always wanted to put the muffin man in one of my fics…

WOW! I'm off topic already! That was what… 3 sentences?

Really, it was GAI!

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAAAIIII-SSSSEEEENNNSSSEEEIIII!"

"LLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Big rock, sunset, some dolphins… (A/N- It's 2 o'clock in the morning…)

After that, Gai said to Lee, "Now, I have a very important mission, and I want you to help me with it!" Gai said, being his usual, loud, overexcited self.

"YA! Gai-sensei!"

"Sorry, Lee, but we have a one sunset sequence per a chapter limit. Next time."

"ALRIGHT! What is our awesome and youthful mission?"

"We are going to-"

-The Next Morning-

Neji was walking towards the training grounds, when he passed by Tenten's house. As usual, he stopped to wait for her. Being the only two sane members of Team Gai, and Tenten's house was on the way to the training grounds, Neji and Tenten usually walked there together. At least, that was his excuse. Really, he got lonely walking all by himself, but this has no significance to the plot,(A/N- There's a plot? FUCK! Why don't people tell me about these things!) so I'm going to stop.

Back to the actual story!(A/N- This is a story? FUCK! I feel unloved. T.T)

Neji noticed something. There were two people in the tree outside Tenten's window.

2 very familiar people.

Who were they… THE MUFFIN MAN AND HIS WIFE!

No, really, it was the MUFFIN MAN AND HIS WIFE!

Guess what?

I'M KIDDING!

"What are you 2 doing?" Neji asked.

Lee and Gai, jumped, falling out of the tree.

"We're trying to find out whether it's a boy or a girl."

"Who?"

Neji looked in the window. "Tenten?"

"Well, duh, it's Tenten's house, right?" Gai said, rolling his eyes.

Neji blinked. "She's a girl."

"How do you know?"

Neji pulled out Tenten's file out of his back pocket.

"See, it says 'gender :female'."

"It does?" The green Beasts asked.

"Yes, can't you read?"

The 2 green beasts burst into tears. "NO! WAAAAHHHH!"

Then, they stopped. "Why do you have Tenten's file?"

"Er…um…I got to go!"

Neji than ran away, leaving a cloud of dust behind him.

-That afternoon-

Gai looked left, then right. Then he gave the all clear sign to Lee, who came running after him. The 2 snuck in through the window.

"Wow…"They both whispered, looking around.

Lee turned to Gai. "I've never been in a girl's room before."

"Be careful, Lee. We're not even sure that it is a girl."

"Right!"

"Now, let searching begin!"

The 2 then proceeded to search through Tenten's room. All they found was weapons, weapons, weapons, and a dead elephant!

They were searching through Tenten's underwear drawer when, -gasp- TENTEN CAME IN! AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

"What are you 2 doing?" She asked in a venomous tone.

The two turned around slowly.

Very slowly.

"Uh, hi Tenten. We were…" Gai said, thinking of a good excuse.

"LOOKING FOR LEE!" Lee screamed.

"WOW, WE FOUND HIM! NICE WORK IN FINDING LEE, LEE!" Gai screamed.

"Er, we'll be going now."

The two than ran away, leaving behind a very pissed Tenten.

-At their Secret Green, Youthful, spandexy Lair-

"Lee, our last attempt was a failure, but we won't fail again!" Gai screamed, flames rising in his eyes!

"YES GAI-SENSEI, OUR YOUTH WILL HELP US TO FIND OUT TENTEN'S GENDER!"

"I'm telling you, she's a girl."

"Neji!"

The green beasts looked up to see Neji.

"How did you find out secret lair!"

"It's a card board box in the middle of the most crowded street in Konaha."

Gai stood up and looked at all the people rushing past. "So it is, Neji, so it is…"

Gai looked back at Neji, then screamed "NEJI!"

"what."

…

"WILL YOU HELP US?"

Silence.

Silence.

Sneeze.

"Bless you."

"Thank you."

Silence.

Neji turned and started to leave.

"NO! Just listen to what we have to say."

"Does it involve me using my Byukugan to see if Tenten's a girl or boy?"

"No, we were going to ask you just to ask her, but that's an even better idea!"

Neji just left.

-Later-

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeaase."

"No."

"…I'll give you sugar to use your Byukugan to look…"

Neji thought for second. It was very tempting…

"Well?"

"…How much sugar?"

"…1 gallon."

"…More."

"2?"

"More."

"3?"

"More."

"I don't have anymore!"

"…Tough."

Neji started to leave.

"No, wait!"

Neji ignored him.

"Please, come ba- NOW LEE!"

Lee jumped out of nowhere, a tree, and tackled Neji.

"LEE, YOU IDIOT, WHAT ARE Y-"

Gai came over a shoved a giant funnel in Neji's mouth. He then proceeded to dump 6 gallons of sugar down the funnel and into his esophagus.

Neji slowly sat up, smiling in a weird way.

"Back away Lee…"

Neji then jumped up a screamed, now a scared scream, but a I-just-had-6-gallons-of-sugar-and-that's-bad-because-I-usualy-can't-handle-one-Tootsie-roll scream. (Is that a real scream? Oh well, it's one now…)

He then started running around in circle's, then ran straight towards the training grounds.

Tenten was sitting in peace. Butterflies flew around her, and birds chirped. The sun shone brightly, and-

"MOMMY!" Neji came tearing into the clearing, followed closely by Lee and Gai.

Tenten looked up. "MOMMY!"

Neji then tackled her into a hug, knocking her of the rock in which she was sitting.

"NEJI, WHAT ARE YOU-"

"MOMMY!"

"NOW LEE!"

Lee started to- do something, when Neji asked

"MOMMY! WHY DO PEOPLE TRAIN WHEN THEY CAN JUST USE STEROIDS?"

He then reached into his pouch/bag/thing, and pulled out a needle.

"SO THAT'S HOW MY RIVAL HAS BEEN BEATING ME!"

Lee then grabbed the needle and injected himself, thus turning into the Incredible Bulk.

Lee then stalked away, still in Bulk form, while Gai chased after him.

"Mommy, why did daddy take my steroids?" 

-The Next Day-

"Okay, Lee, our last attempt was a failure."

Lee nodded.

"But, today is a new day!"

"YES, GAI-SENSEI!"

"NOW, TIME FOR A NEW METHOD, THE DIRECT APPROACH!"

Gai turned around on Tenten's doorstep, where he had been standing, and knocked on her door.

"Yes, Gai-sensei?" Tenten asked, opening the door.

"Are you a girl or a boy?"

…Cricket…

Tenten punched Gai in the face so hard, he flew to Suna, went to the beach, got a tan, and came back. Everyone was jelous of his awsome tan. So they all went to Suna, causing over population, but Gaara didn't give a shit.

-Later-

"PLEASE NEJI!"

"NO!"

"PLEASE!"

"NO!"

"WHY ARE WE SCREAMING!"

"NO!"

"…Please?"

"NO!"

"Just one little peek!"

"No, I'm suppost to use my powers for good, not evil." (A/N- Ya, right…)

"We're good."

"No, first you got me high. Then you sent me to Tenten. THEN YOU LEFT ME TO HAVE THE SHIT BEATEN OUT OF ME!"

"…She beat the shit out of you?"

"Ya, want to see the scars?"

"Oh, yes please!"

-Even Later-

Gai and Lee crept down the dark ally. Another dark figure came from the other side.

"You got the goods?" The mysterious man asked.

"Yep, here you go." Gai said, handing the man a package.

"Okay." The man pulled of his hood to reveal… PIKACHU!

Sorry…wrong show.

JIARAYA!

"Okay, where is it?"

"At it's house."

"Perfect."

Then, the 3 men all laughed evilly, until some lady screamed "IT'S 2 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, ASSHOLES!" A plant was then thrown out the window, missed all 3 of them, and then they proceeded to Tenten's house.

-At Tenten's House-

The 3 stood in Tenten's yard, staring up at the window, by the tree that Lee and Gai were in earlier.

"I'm going in…" Jiaraya said.

He then climbed up the tree.

There, he found Neji with popcorn.

The 2 looked at each other.

Then, Jiaraya climbed down the tree.

"Where are you-"

"It's not worth it man, it's not worth it…"

-The Next Morning-

"Lee, I say we now do the chicken dance!"

"Why, Gai-sensei?"

"Because the author is in a writer's block, needs to get some more soda, and some sugar, then be good to go!" '

"Alright!"

The 2 danced…

Still dancing…

Alright! I'm good!

"Now, WE STOP!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei!"

"Now, we're going to…"

-Little Later-

…

-A Little More Later-

Gai and Lee were in the library, researching the difference between males and females. And how to tell them apart, of course.

"Well, this proves it. We need Neji."

"YES, GAI-SENSEI!"  
"SHHH! LEE, SHUT UP!"

"SORRY GAI-SENSEI!"

"BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!"

The dynamic spandex duo turned around to see a fuming librarian.

-Outside-

Gai and Lee landed on the ground with a loud "UMPH!"

"AND DON'T COME BACK!"

"BITCH! I HOPE YOU BURN IN FUCKING HELL, YOU MOTHER FUCKIN' BITCH! IT WOULD FUCKIN' SERVE YOU RIGHT, FUCKIN' ASSHOLE! YOU'LL PROBABLY MEET YOU FUCKIN' MOM THERE TOO BECAUSE I WENT AND FUCKIN' SHOT HER IN THE FUCKIN' HEAD AND THEN HUNG HER FUCKIN' DEAD BODY WITH HER FUCKIN' INTESTINE!"

Gai turned back to Lee, who was twitching.

"Now then, let's find Neji!"

-With Neji-

Neji was peacefully doing…stuffs. Neji stuffs. … You don't want to know.

Anywho, then Lee and Gai came charging out of no where screaming "NEJI!"

Neji calmly put away his…tools…to do…Neji stuffs.

He then turned to the dynamic spandex duo.

"NEJI!"

"WHAT!"

"WE NEED YOU! WE'RE DESPERATE! WE WANT YOU!"

Neji twitched.

"Whoops. That turned out wrong…"

"No shit, sherlock."

"What we mean is, we want you to see if Tenten's a girl or… shit. He ran away."

Gai and Lee looked around.

Then, they ate pie.

The pie Neji was making in his room all by himself, without an oven.

WHAP!

"THAT WHAT YOU GET FOR TOUCHING M' PIE BITCH!" Neji ran away with the pie.

"Ow…" Gai started to cry.

-Later (After Gai's hour long episode)-

"Neji! Please!"

"…You ate my pie…"

"Why did you have pie?"

"…Do you really want to know…"

"…Never mind…"

"Why should I help you?"

"I didn't want to have to do this…" Gai pulled out a photo, then handed it to Neji.

Neji's eyes widened. Then, he put the photo in his pocket.

"…Fine…"

-Tenten's Backyard-

"Okay, Neji you ready?"

Neji nodded, his face growing pale.

Neji did some hand signs, then whispered, "Byukugan!"

He then looked at Tenten.

_That day it was confirmed that Tenten was indeed a girl… and Neji suffered a fatal nosebleed. He survived because he had to go to the hospital for his medication anyway…_

_---_

BAM! Finally over! WHOO! Review! WHOO! 

That reminds me, I was reading my reviews the other day, actually, my brother was reading them to me, out loud, in an extremely retarded voice, which nearly made me fall over in total laughter, that we realized, YOU ALL THINK I'M A MAN! I'M A WOMAN I'LL HAVE YOU ALL KNOW. BITCHES! REVIEW! AND CALL ME A WOMAN GOD DAMN YOU!

Next up: Total World Domination!

Sorry, I meant FANFICTION!

---

"WAHOO! I'm PAIRED UP WITH SAKURA 2 TIMES!"

"That's great, Lee…"

"I know, isn't it?"

---

Neji lifted the broken laptops monitor.

"Whoops…"

"And we thought you were the smart one." Tenten said.

---

P.S.- Next time I'm changing something. You have to read to find out!


	12. Fanfiction!

Yo Peeps! WUZUP? Time for the next installment of sheer and utter stupidity! Sorry it took so long, school started a few days ago. Also, I haven't been in the writing mood, and I've had writers block. So if this chapter sucks, BLAME THE SUGAR FREE WHIPPED CREAM MY MOM BOUGHT!

Now, for the change. I'm CHANGING THE TITLE! But fear not, it's for the better! It will now be called The Stupidest Things Team Gai Have Done! I decided not to stop at 20 chapters. Everyone gave me such good ideas, and I'll do all of them (eventually) the ideas I make up myself, and who could forget my wonderful brother's ideas! -cough- Ya, right.

So, I won't be stopping anytime soon with this story! It's just been so much fun! So, next time the title with be different! (By 2 numbers…)

**EDIT: **Okay, I was reading through the stories, and this one stood out as one of the worst, so I edited it now.

Disclaimer: LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA…. I no own, you no sue… LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA

#12- FANFICTION!

* * *

Gai was away on a mission with Asuma and Kakashi AKA going to the local Hooters, and his team was too lazy to train on their own.

So what did they do?

A lot of other stuff.

First, they robbed a store using their awesome ninja skills.

Then, they ran from the other ninjas. They failed.

Then, they broke out of jail.

Then, they got caught again.

Then, they dug another tunnel, and ended up in the Ichiraku Ramen store.

Then, they ate ramen.

Then, they went to a candy store.

Then, they robbed the candy store.

Then, they were back in jail.

Then, they annoyed the jail keeper until he died.

Then, they let themselves out.

Then, they laughed in all the other prisoners faces.

Then, they were caught again.

Then, they remembered they were kick-ass ninjas.

Then, they all kicked each other in the ass.

Then, they kicked the jail keepers in the ass.

Then, they ended in Gai's house somehow.

See, they did a lot of stuff.

Anywho, they were now playing games on Gai's computer.

After doing a lot of other stuff unsupervised in their sensei's house.

AKA- Breaking stuff, you perverts.

"LEE, GIVE IT UP!" Neji screamed.

"NEVER!" Lee screamed back.

"YOU SUCK AT VIDEO GAMES!" Neji screamed.

"SO, IF I CAN NOT BEAT THIS GAME BY MY 5,000,000 TRY, THEN I WILL TAKE 1000 COOKING LESSONS! AND IF I CAN NOT DO THAT, THEN I WILL TAKE 2000 SEWING LESSONS! AND IF I CAN'T DO THAT, I'LL TAKE 3000 BALLET LESSONS!"

-Three minutes later-

"This one isn't so bad; Learn to cook all you're favorite foods in 1,000 easy classes." Tenten said, looking at the cooking brochure.

"That game is impossible to beat…" Lee grumbled.

"HIGH SCORE!" The computer screamed, scaring the shit (literally), out of Lee.

"WHAT! HOW DID MY RIVAL BEAT THE GAME!" Lee said this more like a statement than a question.

"It's easy. Look."

"OH, TEACH ME OH WONDERFUL MASTER!" Lee then bowed down to Neji, and would have kissed his shoes if Neji hadn't kicked him in the face.

So, after their little game tutorial, they were even more bored, but couldn't leave the house or else the police would catch them and they'd be screwed.

So, they decided to look up Gai's favorites.

The results were some what disturbing.

"Icha Icha Paradise dot com." Neji read.

"Playboy dot net." Tenten read.

"Play GIRL dot net." Lee read.

The 3 then proceeded to barf, then since Lee and Neji recovered first, went to playboy dot net.

Then discovered where babies really came from.

Then Tenten slammed their heads together, and clicked the back button, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like Perverts.

"I wonder why Gai-sensei favorited those sites?" Tenten asked.

"Because, he wears green." Lee said.

"What?"

"Ya, Gai-sensei wears green because he's green-minded." Neji said.

"So am I." Lee replied, pulling a copy of Playboy out of his pocket.

Tenten kicked him really hard where the sun don't shine, then left to burn the –ahem- porn magazine.

When she came back, Neji said "Tenten, look at this."

"If it's another porn site, I swear I'm gonna-"

"NO, it's not porn! It's something called "."

"What's that?"

"I don't know."

Lee and Tenten gasped. "There's something you don't know?"

Everything was silent. Then, Neji burst into tears and sobbed, "I know! It's just terrible, ain't it!"

While Tenten comforted the OOC Neji, Lee looked around the site, until he found Naruto.

"Whoa, guys! Naruto is on here!"

Neji stopped crying. "Am I on there?"

"No…"

"WHY NOT! I ROCK! HE SUCKS! I-"

"Yes, we know you're great, you're awesome, blah blah blah, now click on his name." Tenten said, looking over Lee's shoulder at the screen.

So, Lee clicked on Naruto.

"Whoa…" The three were amazed at how fast Gai's Verison DSL was. It was fast like lighting. It only took .00000000000000003 seconds for the page to open. Normally it takes me three hours. Then again, I have dial-up. When will my parents listen and get high-speed? Sorry, off-topic. Wow, that took a while… Once it only took me one letter…

Back to the story!

The three - Hey look! A nickel! I think I'm going to name him Fred!

Shows picture of author in field of flowers, running along side a nickel, laughing her head off, while happy music plays.

Author and nickel on a merry-go-round.

Author and nickel getting a balloon.

Author and nickel eating ice cream.

"Fred, I promise I'll never spend you." I say to Fred.

Music stops. "Oh look, bubble gum, only five cents."

Author sticks Fred down the black hole, and receives bubble gum.

Cherry flavored bubble gum.

Life is good.

Moving on…

The three looked amazed at the long list of stories.

"Wow…" The three said in unison.

"LOOK, THERE'S MY NAME!" Lee screamed, then clicked on the button over and over and over, driving Neji and Tenten nuts.

Then Neji screamed, "LEE! I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE IF YOU DON'T STOP!"

-At the local Hooters-

Gai looked up.

"I have a strange feeling Lee needs me…"

A hot waitress walked by.

"But it can wait!"

-Back with our three idio- er heroes-

Lee ignored him and continued pressing the button like crazy.

"THAT'S IT!" Neji screamed, or roared, it was kind of both.

Neji then grabbed the back of Lee's head- er waist band, and dragged him to the middle of the floor.

Tenten sat at the computer chair, ignoring Lee's screams and cries for help.

Finally "SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO READ HERE!"

Lee and Neji looked up from the bloody massacre, and looked at Tenten.

"Sorry." They both said, but for Lee, it sounded messed-up because he couldn't talk through all the blood.

Then Neji dragged him into an unknown room and closed the door. Lee's screams then continued.

The door burst open, and the top ½ of Lee came out. "TENTEN! YOU HAVE TO HELP M-" Neji's hand shot out and pulled him back in, closing the door, while Lee screamed NoooOOOooo!

-At the Hooters-

Gai looked up from his –ahem- "business" with the Hooters girl and looked at Asuma and Kakashi, who looked up from there "business".

"Really, guys. I think Lee's in trouble!"

"I think you're paranoid." Kakashi replied.

"Ya, you're right." Gai then went back to doing stuff…

-With Team Gai-

Tenten screamed back "SHUT UP!"

Neji stuck his head out. "Sorry. It'll be over in a second."

The door then closed and Lee screamed for about five seconds. Then all was silent.

Neji calmly came out, and sat down next to Tenten, acting as though nothing unusual had happened, because, in the Life and Times of Team Gai, nothing had.

"So, what's it about?" Neji asked.

"I don't know. Something about you pushing Lee of a cliff…"

"That's not a bad idea…" Neji muttered, deep in concentration.

Lee then came out and looked at the screen, sitting on the other side of Tenten.

"Why did Neji push me off a cliff?"

"Because the author wrote it that way…"

The three then read the story.

Their reactions?

Lee was upset because, well, he got pushed off a cliff.

Neji was happy because, well, he pushed Lee off a cliff.

Tenten was trying to figure out what the hell was this site.

So, they want back to the story index.

"What is this?" Tenten asked.

"It looks like a site where people make up stories about us." Neji answered.

"Well, that's not nice." Lee said, a scowl on his face.

"Look at that one!" Tenten said, pointing to, you guessed it, The 20 Stupidest Things Team Gai Have Done!

"Click on it!"

"Okay, you don't need to yell. Sheesh!" Tenten clicked.

"Oh…" Lee started.

"My…" Tenten continued.

"Fucking…" Neji said.

"God." They all said in unison.

"This author, like, is right! These aren't stories!" Tenten said.

"They must be stalking us!" Lee screamed.

**_Damn Straight._**

"Who's there?" The 3 ninja asked, pulling out weapons.

**_The author, and damn straight I've been stalking you. I know everything. Heck, I know this morning Neji had fish sticks for breakfast._**

Lee and Tenten turned to Neji. "You had fish sticks?"

"Ya, Kisame sold them to me for 3 each."

"Wow…"

_**Ya, he also gets crack from Naruto in alleyways in the middle of the night, along with Lee, Kiba, and any other guy who acts like a maniac on steroids.** _

"Really?" Tenten asked Lee and Neji, who nodded their heads.

**_Ya, I rock, you suck! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA- COUGH- -COUGH- -COUGH- -CHOKE- -CHOKE- -GASP GASP PANT PANT- THUMP_**

"Hello, weird author person?" Lee said.

**We are sad to say that the author died. Sorry for the inconvenience. **

"What the…" Neji said.

"Okay…" Lee said.

"Now what?" Tenten asked.

The three thought for a second, putting their hands on their chins, looking into space, and going Hmmm…

"Let's read more stories!" Neji screamed like a giddy school girl. Wow, Neji plus giddy school girl equals what the fuck?

"Look, there's something that has all of our names!" Lee said, pointing at the screen.

"Put me with Sakura! PUT ME WITH SAKURA, GOD DAMN IT WOMEN!" Lee screamed, pushing Tenten off her chair, so she fell over and knocked Neji off his chair, and then Lee didn't want to be left out, so he jumped of his chair, too, body-slamming Neji and Tenten.

After Lee got beaten up, they looked up Lee with Sakura.

""WAHOO! I'm PAIRED UP WITH SAKURA TWO TIMES!"

"That's great, Lee…"

"I know, isn't it?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"The square route of an egg is this pineapple." Lee said, holding up Shikamaru's head.

"WTF?" Neji said, question marks above his head. Then, he pulled a calculator out of his pocket, and punched in some numbers. "Wow, your right!"

Lee pulled out an almost empty jar with two quarters in it out of his pocket. It was labeled "Lee was right. Neji was wrong." Neji grumbled, then pulled a similar jar. The difference was his said "Neji was right. Lee was wrong", and it was almost full,

He pulled out one and put it in Lee's jar. "SCORE!" Lee screamed.

**Excuse me, "score" is no longer part of the English language because Lee just said it.**

"Who's there this time?" Tenten screamed in her really high-pitch-shrilly-voice-thing.

**I'm THE DEVIL, no I'm actually the author's BROTHER, though I'm pretty close because my sister is the devil, making me second in command! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHCCCCCCCCCQQQQQQQWWWWWWWWIIIOOOOPPPPPPGTRFDHGVGHIIJFHKGFTYIKGHFTYIKGYFTYIYFTYFUVFFVFGKVKHVLGUIYTFTDFYDCDFYITDUIYDTYDYKRD -dies-**

"Something's really wrong with that family…" Lee said, looking at the ceiling.

"No shit…" Neji and Tenten said together.

"What were we doing?" Lee asked.

"Uh…" The other two also forget.

"We should do the noodle dance!" The three screamed!

_Use your noodle, do the noodle dance._

The 3three started dancing, while music played and a blue back drop came.

"I've got it!" Neji screamed. "We were folding socks!"

He then pulled of his socks, and he doesn't wear socks which is what makes it so random, and folded them. Lee and Tenten followed, though they don't wear socks either.

The three neatly put their socks in a pile in the sink in the bathroom, then went back to the computer.

They sat down.

They stared at the screen.

"I think we were doing something involving this computer." Tenten said.

The three squinted their eyes and looked closer at the screen.

"I've got it!" Neji screamed.

He reached over and started slamming the screen up and down over again.

"Wait, we were reading stories!" Tenten screamed.

**-SNAP-**

Neji lifted the broken laptops monitor.

"Whoops…"

"And we thought you were the smart one." Tenten said.

"I can fix it!" Neji yelled. Then, he went over to the phone and called Dell. The wall then rotated, and the three were in a Dell place/workshop/whatever. Just like in the commercials.

So, they did all that awesome stuff, got the new computer, and set it up.

"Told you I can fix it." Neji said. Then, he pulled out his "Neji was right. Tenten was wrong" jar out. It wasn't as full as his Lee jar, but, oh well.

So Tenten took out her jar and all that crap.

Then, Gai walked in. "**HELLO MY YOUTHFUL**- what the hell are you doing in my house?" He said, pulling out a gun.

* * *

The end. Ya, I know it was shit on wheels. Oh well. Be grateful for what you get.

REVIEW!

Next up: Moomoomoothegirl's Jeopardy, Team Gai Style!

No Preview! Why? When you review, make up the questions Gai is going to ask! Guaranteed that Lee will answer everything with youth or similar.

ASTALABYE-BYE!


	13. SORRY! PEACE TREATY!

**I'M SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY!**

I haven't written in so long! I haven't been in the writing mood, school, friends, all that crap, I haven't been able to write the REAL chapter yet! I'm sorry! Wah!

I bet all of you hate me now! SORRY!

Also, I haven't gotten enough questions yet! ( See last chapter) I'm only at about 30 or 40. PLEASE GIVE ME MORE QUESTIONS!

Now, as a peace offering so you people don't kill me, I wrote this really short, not funny mini-chapter. Yes, I am well aware it sucks.

Disclaimer: Why do people write these? Isn't it kind of obvious we own nothing?

Oh, yeah, and PyschoB, tell you're friend I am a crazy crack head.

* * *

#13- Neji's "Perfect" Vision

It was a seemingly normal day at Team Gai's training grounds.

Not really.

Why wasn't it normal?

Because, if it was, then there would be no story, and if there's no story, then what are you reading?

See what I'm saying?

Anywho, it wasn't normal because Neji kept on walking into trees, missing everything, and when he talked to people, facing the completely opposite direction.

Ya, it wasn't normal.

"Neji, are you okay?" Gai asked.

"Ya, I'm fi-" Neji started.

"Um, turn around." Gai said to the back of Neji's head.

Neji stood still for a couple of seconds, then said, "Oh, right."

Then, he turned around.

"Ya, I'm fine."

Then, he started to walk away, and walked right into a tree with a loud –THUD-

"Ow." Neji said, rubbing his face. Then, he started to walk around the tree, and walked right into another one.

"Damn, where are all these trees coming from?" Neji asked.

"Can't you see them?" Gai asked.

"Of course! I have perfect vision!" Neji said, then started walking, and walked into his 45298 tree that hour. "Damn it…"

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Gai asked, then held up 2 fingers.

Neji squinted. "Um…12?" He asked hopefully.

Gai shook his head, then remembered that Neji couldn't see, so he said no.

"Fine, so I'm a little off today, big deal." Neji said, then started to walk away, and walked into his 45299 tree that hour. "WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THESE TREES COMING FROM!" Neji screamed.

"We're in the forest." Gai said.

"Wait, this isn't my room?"

-At the Eye Doctors-

The eye doctor guy looked at Neji.

Gai looked at Neji.

Neji looked at the wall, but he thought he was looking at them.

"Well, it looks like he's going blind." The eye doctor finally said.

"WHAT!" Neji said, jumping up, facing the completely opposite direction.

"Turn around. " Gai and the eye doctor both said.

So, he did.

"Excessive use of the Byukugan causes blindness." The eye doctor said.

"But I was fine just yesterday." Neji said.

"Yes, but the blindness process happens really fast. One day you're fine, the next, you're blind."

Everything was quit.

"OMG! I RHYMED!" The eye doctor screamed, then started doing the worm.

Gai followed doing the moon walk. Then, the 2 started doing the cabbage patch, and all sorts of other shitty dances.

Lucky for Neji, he couldn't witness it. The rest of us aren't so lucky.

The two then started doing the funky chicken. WHILE. MAKING. CHICKEN. SOUNDS.

MY EYES, THEY BLEED!

So after all of that, it came to the moment of truth.

What cereal should I eat?

Captain crunch?

Apple Jacks?

Cheerios?

The crappy shop rite brand?

SO MANY CHOICES!

Wait, why don't I mix them all?

ALLY, YOU ARE A GENIUS!

My teachers just can't see that…

If they did, I wouldn't be failing, like, every class… exempt gym… wait, I'm failing that too…

Time for the real moment of truth, what to do about Neji?

"He could get glasses…" The eye doctor said.

"No." Neji said…to the chair. (Gai and the eye doctor had given up on him…)

"Contacts?"

"No."

"Then, there's nothing I can do."

"What about painful laser eye surgery?" Gai asked, looking though the pamphlet that had pictures of screaming, crying people on the front.

-THUMP-

"Neji?…Oh shit."

* * *

That's it. I know, it wasn't funny an you probably didn't get any of it. In case you didn't, Neji's going blind because he uses the Byukugan too much, and he doesn't want to admit it. Now, Gai takes him to the eye doctor, and hears about laser eye surgery, and that it's his only option, he kills himself.

THAT'S IT!

Don't forget too review! AND LEAVE A GOD DAMN QUESTION!

Oh yeah, and SORRY!


	14. Jeapardy!

First off, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Second, I'm SORRY! This time I have no excuse for my lateness, other than I'm too damn lazy to write a decent chapter. So this will just have to do.

Thanks for all your questions, peoples, they made this chapter possible.

This chapter is dedicated to moomoomoothegirl, because this was her idea, and she's been one of my most faithful reviewers. (If you want a chapter dedicated to you, leave a review, god damn you!)

Disclaimer: _I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity any girl that isn't me today. LALALALALALALA. _

* * *

#14- JEOPARDY, TEAM GAI STYLE!

"Hi Neji!" Lee screamed.

Without opening his eyes, Neji responded, "Go annoy Tenten."

"But Tenten told me to annoy you."

"Too bad. I'm telling you to annoy Tenten."

"But Tenten said if I annoyed her instead of you, she would kill me."

"Well, if you annoy me instead of Tenten I'll do worse then kill you."

"What's worse than killing a person?"

"…"

"Tell me!"

"…Do you really want me to tell you?"

"Yes!"

"…Are you sure you can handle it?"

"YES!"

"…You sure?"

"YES!!!!!"

"…I'll shave off your eyebrows…"

"NO!!!!"

"With a rusty razor!"

"…"

"…"

"…"  
"Hi Tenten!" Lee yelled, running over to Tenten.

"Lee, I thought I told you to annoy Neji!"

"Well, you did, but then he told me to annoy you."

"Annoy Neji."

"But-"

"Now."

"HI NEJI!"

Neji opened his eyes (finally), and yelled, "Lee! Go annoy Tenten!"

"Okay, HI TENTEN!"

"Annoy Neji."

"Okay, HI NEJI!"

"Annoy Tenten."

"Okay, HI TENTEN!"

"Annoy Neji."

"Okay, HI NEJI!"

"Annoy Te-"

"HELLO MY YOUTHFUL STUDENTS!"

Right on time, actually, ½ a page late, he was supposed to show up when Neji mentioned rusty razors, but…

Anywho, our favorite bushy-browed sensei, and only, if you want to get technical, Maito GAI showed up! WOOT!

"Today, we are studying sex… NOT!!!!!!!! Sex is for dirty pervs like Jariaya and myself."

"Awww…"

"But we will be doing the (second) best thing, play JEOPARDY!"

SILENCE.

"What's jeopardy?" Tenten asked.

"GASP! (Gai screamed gasp instead of gasping), you don't know what jeopardy is?"

All 3 students shook their head.

"IT IS…" Suddenly, the forest dematerialized, and the jeopardy place replaced it.

"THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"…That doesn't answer my question…"

"Suck it up, bitch…"

"That wasn't very nice…"

"So?"

Tenten then pulled out her scrolls, killed Gai, but once again, the author brought him back to life for the purpose of this story. But do not fear. He will die at the end. Yak.

So after this little "escapade", the 3 students suddenly knew how to play Jeopardy, so they started to play.

_**DING DING DING! ROUND ONE, FIGHT! **_

Neji and Lee faced each other from opposite ends of the boxing arena, both in boxing shorts and boxing gloves.

They both then ran out, into the center, punching each other. BLOOD FLEW EVERYWHERE! IT WAS AWESOME! MY KEYBOARD IS STUCK ON CAPS LOCK!

12 ROUNDS LATER 

Both Neji and Lee stood in the center of the arena, bloody and bruised. Every now and then, one of them would throw a weak punch at the other. IT WAS SO INTENSE!

**_DING DING DING! FIGHT OVER! _**

Both Neji and Lee face planted at this.

Tenten turned to Gai. "What did all of that have to do with Jeopardy?"

"Absolutely nothing…"

"Then why did we do that?"

"…The author made us…"

AT AUTHOR'S HOUSE

Author laughs evilly!

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"ALLY, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"MAKE ME, WOMEN!"  
"WOMAN?!? I AM YOUR MOTHER!"

**BACK WITH TEAM GAI**

"Oh, well…" Tenten said sighing.

(It has been 3 pages and they haven't even started playing yet… That is just sad… Maybe I'm losing my touch…Usually it takes me five…)

"Now then, back to Jeopardy!" Gai said loudly. (He doesn't come in any other volume… No matter how much we wish he did…)

"How can we get back to it if we haven't even started in the first place? Though we have done everything else…" Tenten asked.

"Like I said before, suck it up, bitch." Gai replied.

"That wasn't very nice…"

"So- not again!!!!" Gai once again was killed, and, once again, was brought back to life for the purpose of this story. Yak.

ANYWAY!

"These are the categories; Dumb-ass math, Evil Doers, Naruto Youth, Random stuff, even random… -er stuff, and Whatever other shit I felt like putting in there! Tenten, the bitch, gets to start!"

Another brutal death, Gai being reborn, another fucking yak, blah blah blah.

"Uh… I'll take evil doers for 100!"  
"What is the color of Gaara's room?"

"Um… pink?"

"CORRECT!"

"Really? …Wait… that's good… that's good! YA!" That took her a while…

"Wait… How did you know that?" Neji asked suspiciously.

"…Don't question my superior intellect…poopy face bitch butt."

All 3 students stared at their sensei as he chuckled evilly. Yes, he was having another "Gai Moment". Yak.

"Ahem. Anyway, pick again."

"Okay, as freaky as that was… Dumb-ass math for 100!"

"What is the square route of a pineapple?"

Lee pressed his button.

_DING._

"HA! I made a dingy noise!"

"CORRECT!"

"Um… Dumb-ass math for 200!"

"What is 2+2?"

_DING._

"4!" Neji said.

"WRONG!"

"What?"

"YOU. ARE. WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. YOU. POOPY. FACE. BITCH. BUTT."

_DING._

"What is a pumpkin!"

"CORRECT!"

"YAY!" Lee yelled.

"I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And yet again, Gai suffered a very violent death. ANOTHER FUCKING YAK!!! Yeah.

"I'll take evil doers for 200!"

"Say Itachi's name."

_DING._

"GAARA!"

"Sadly, no, my favorite student…"

"Aw…" Lee then went emo and cut his wrists in the corner…

DING. 

"Itachi!" Neji yelled.

"…What about him?"

"For the question."

"What question?"

"The question you just asked!"

"… I asked a question?"

"Yes!"

"…When?"

Neji went into the corner and became emo with Lee.

_DING._

"…Potato chips!" Tenten yelled.

"CORRECT!"

"I'll take Naruto youth for 100!"

"What is Tenten's last name? …Wait! I'm ASKING TENTEN WHAT HER LAST NAME IS! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW THIS!"

"It is…"

Everyone leaned towards Tenten…

"It is…"

Everyone held their breath…

"It is…"

Even Neji and Lee stopped being emo to look at Tenten…

" It is… OH LOOK, A PENNY!" Everyone fell over as Tenten leaned over to pick up the penny.

"TENTEN!" Everyone yelled.

"Oh right, sorry. It is-"

We are currently experiencing some technical difficulty. In the mean time, please watch this slightly disturbing commercial. Thank you. Do not sue us when your eyes start to bleed.

In a black room, with a single beam of light, shone on a bright green spandex suit.

All of a sudden, you hear a tune, COTTON EYE JOE!

But the spandex isn't doing anything, but then-

The music ends.

Then, MIATO GAI pops out of the left arm of the suit.

And then says his catch phrase, yes he has one of those, yak,

"IT'S NOT SPANDEXY-" Nice Guy Pose (DING) "IT'S SPAND-SEXY!"

Gai then dances the ballet while screaming "YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK!"

We are sorry about that. Back to our regularly scheduled program.

"Wow…" Gai said. "That's your last name?"

"Yep!"

_Blink. _"Okay then…"

"I'll take Naruto Youth for 200!"

"Who is Neji's mom?"

_DING._

"TENTEN!" Neji yelled pointing at Tenten.

"I am not you're mom!"

"Yes you are, but you neglect and abuse me!"

"What?"

"You always throw stuff at me-"

"That's called sparing!"

"You don't feed me-"

"That's your FAMILY'S job!"

"I HAVE NEEDS!"

"Like what?"

Neji reached into his pocket and handed a list to Tenten.

"Eggs, milk, butter- THIS IS YOUR GROCERY SHOPPING LIST!"

"They are my needs!"

"…There is nothing I can say to that…"

"Neglecting and abusing your child is bad. It causes them to have serious psychological problems when they grow up. And they loose their pupils. It also causes them to have a feeling of self-worthlessness, and like they have to be the best and prove themselves to everybody."

"Where did you get that from?"

"I read it in a parenting magazine."

"…Why were you reading a parenting magazine?"

"When I grow up, I plan to have 1,010 (Get it? HAHAHA!) children. Guess who the lucky mommy gets to be?" He said this nudging Tenten in a friendly manner.

-OUTSIDE-

"OH MY GOD, HELP ME!!!!! YAK!" Neji screamed, running from Tenten.

"GET BACK HERE SO I CAN RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN, GOUGE OUT YOUR FUCKING PUPILS EYES, RIP OFF YOUR NOSE, BREAK YOUR KNEECAPS, TRIM YOUR NAILS, CUT YOUR FUCKING BEAUTIFUL HAIR (sob), CLEAN YOUR ROOM, DO YOUR LAUNDRY, AND OTHER MOTHER-RELATED STUFF, THEN KILL YOU!" Tenten screamed back. (Apparently Tenten didn't get it…)

"IT WAS A JOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKEEEEE!"

-Back with Jeopardy-

Gai stared at Lee.

Lee stared back.

Silence.

Cough.

More silence.

"So… Lee…"

"Yes, Gai-sensei?"

"…How's you life?"

"It sucks ass."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"GAI- SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!  
"LEE!"

Hug, sunset…

-Back Outside-

"You'll never catch me!" Neji yelled behind him, then turned around when-

-Inside some fancy restaurant-

A whole bunch of fancy, rich people were eating fancy foods when-

_SMACK._

Everyone looked at the window to see a boy smacked into the window.

He then slowly slid down…

Everything was silent.

Then everyone went back to eating their food.

-Outside-

"Ow." Came Neji's muffled voice from the floor.

He then looked up to see Tenten, glaring at him, scrolls in hand…

"..meep…"

-At author's house-

"Man, Tenten is so murderous today…" Ally says.

"Is she ever not?" Dennis asks.

"Only on Fridays, holidays, and when she is daydreaming about pie."

"OF COURSE!!!!!! HOW COULD I BE SO NAÏVE!!!!!"

"Because you're you."

"OF COURSE!!!!!! HOW COULD I BE SO NAÏVE!!!!!"

"Shut up."

"Yak." (Co-Author Note (Dennis)- I made that Yak thing up by the way. P.S. I make up all of the funny stuff.)

(Author Note- SLAP. You are not my co-author, and you DO NOT make up all the funny stuff. You just put in ya in the word document, and it spell-checked it, and being the retard you are, put it to yak instead. So ha."

(Dennis- OF COURSE!!!!!! HOW COULD I BE SO NAÏVE!!!!!)

-Back with Jeopardy-

"Okay, that was weird, but moving on, it's Neji's turn, or what is left of him…"

"I'll take whatever random shit I felt like putting in there for 500."

"Oh, now we're talking! –AHEM- Snag la pi toy, snagarotac, la grjoifn, fertuddles shnug, yak?"

"What?"

"CORRECT!"

Neji just blinked. There is nothing to say to that…

"I'll take dumb-ass math for 500!"

"What is 34 times 20 minus 4 multiplied by 68 divided by the square route of 46 plus an endless amount of youth?"

Neji counted on his fingers for a couple of seconds, then asked "Can you repeat the question?"

"Certainly. What is 34 times 20 minus 4 multiplied by 68 divided by the square route of 46 plus an endless amount of youth?"

"Uh… 3?"

"CORRECT!"

"I'll take Naruto Youth for 400!"

"Who is the strongest Naruto Character under the age of 18?"

_DING._

"I am! The power of youth will conquer all!" Lee screamed.

"Wrong! You suck! Go fuck off!" Gai yelled back.

"…I am going emo-ing in my corner now…" Lee then went emo-ing in his corner.

"Anyone else?"

SILENCE.

"It's.. FRED!"

"…There is no Fred in this series… " Tenten said.

"Yes, there is. Now, I have placed a copy of Naruto, volume 5 on each one of your… table things."

All 3 students picked up their books.

"Now, turn to page 172. It is in chapter 45."

The shuffling of pages being turned.

"Look in the top right corner. There you will see panel. At the way top there is a pair a feet. That is Fred. He will someday rule the world."

(He really is there. Check. There are also 2 Sasukes.)

"Okay then…"

"I WILL DEFEAT YOU SOMEDAY KAKASHI!" Gai screamed, yelling at the ceiling.

"That was random…"

"No, it wasn't. Kakashi is up there in the control room."

The 3 looked up. And true, there was Kakashi in a big box. He waved.

"Okay…"

"Now, since none of you got the question, we will go with whoever has the highest amount of points. … Damn. I haven't been keeping score. So we will flip a coin."

"But there are only 2 sides to a coin, and 3 of us!" Neji argued.

"Okay then, if you want to be such a poopy face bitch butt, you can go."

"Okay, I pick dumb-ass math for 400."

"24! 12! 32! Hike!"

"What does that have to do with math?"

"What does any of this have to do with anything?"

"Well, nothing, I suppose…"

"It had numbers in it, suck it up."

"Well, then how are we supposed to answer the question?"

"You're not, that wasn't a question."

"…Then what was it?"

"A battle cry…"

"…What?"  
Then, the entire Eagles team from chapter 8 came running out, and tackled Neji.

"OWWW!" This has not been Neji's day…

"Thanks guys!" Gai yelled at the Eagles as they walked out.

"No problem!" Everyone yelled. Yes, they still remembered him 6 chapters later.

Gai turned back to his 3, now 2, students.

"Sorry about that, I couldn't resist."

SILENCE.

"Anyway, Lee is next!"

"Um, Random stuff for 500."

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

"WHAT?"

_DING._

"If a woodchuck could chuck wood, it would chuck ." Tenten recited.

"CORRECT!"

Neji finally recovered.

"GET HELP!" Neji screamed at Gai.

"I believe that you Neji, are the one that need help. Sing with me! _I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity any girl that isn't me today. LALALALALALALA."_

"Why would I sing that?"

"Because if you don't, I'll get the football team back in here."

Neji sighed. "_I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity any girl that isn't me today. LALALALALALALA." _Neji sang in a mono-tone.

"That's the spirit, keep it up!"

"_I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity any girl that isn't me today. LALALALALALALA." _Neji was suddenly getting enthusistic.

It was now Gai's turn. _"I feel charming, oh so charming, it's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty, I can hardly believe I'm real!" _

"_LALALALALALALA!" _Neji sang.

"_Who's that pretty girl in the mirror there?" _Neji sang in an unchareristicly high pitched voice.

"_What mirror, where?" _Gai also sang in a high pitched voice.

"Okay, now it's just getting freaky!" Tenten yelled.

Neji and Gai both stopped from their La's.

"Oh, okay…" The 2 then both went back to their right places.

"Okay, where were we?" Gai asked.

"We were playing Jeopardy." Lee answered, who had just stopped being emo.

"Right, Tenten's turn."

"I'll take even random… -er stuff for 300."

"How many credits do you need from a box of Crap-e-O's does it take to get the official Crap-e-O's T-shirt?"

_DING._

"5,987,271." Neji answered.

"CORRECT!"

"How did you know that?" Tenten asked.

FLASHBACK NO JUTSU

"Come on Neji, you've come this far, only one more, then you're done! Don't let everything you've worked for go to waste!" Lee cheered.

"I can't do it Lee, I just can't!" Neji replied, panting.

"Come on, it's only one more! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!" Lee screamed.

"Okay, I can do this!" Neji then.. took a bit of cereal. Crap-e-O's to be exact.

"YES!!!!!!!" Lee cheered. We now have exactly 5,987,271 credits! Now we can get the official Crap-e-O's T-shirt that we could have just bought for 25 cents! Isn't it great Neji! … Neji?"

SOUNDS OF PUKING COMING FROM THE BATHROOM

"Oh well…" Lee then went outside to mail the shit.

UN-FLASHBACK NO JUTSU

Neji just shuddered. "5,987,271 bowls of Crap-e-O's…"

"It was so worth it, I'm wearing the shirt right now!" Lee screamed, pulling of his shirt.

And, amazingly, there was a plain white T-shirt with a C drawn on in sharpie. I WANT ONE!

"That is sexy…" Came Kakashi's voice from ABOVE.

Not that ABOVE idiots!

The announcer box!

Gai looked up and called, "Just like my span-sexy spandex?"

"…No…"

"That's it, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Gai then ran away, through a mysterious door.

All was silent until, UP IN THE ANNOUNCER BOX, SCREAMS COULD BE HEARD!

Kakashi was then thrown through the window, and then Gai jumped out after him, foaming at the mouth, screaming something about YAK!

Yep, another "Gai Moment."

Ten Minutes Later

"I said I was sorry!" Gai whined to animal control, who had put one of those little netty things that have a loop on them around him.

"Too bad, bub."

"My name is Gai."

"What?"

"My name is not "bub." It is Gai."

"Okay, bub."

"I AM NOT BUB, I AM GAI!!!!!"

Bub, sorry, GAI, then started foaming at the mouth again and was about to attack the animal control person when-

GAI DROPPED DEAD! AHHHHHH!

Then, a girl with long brown hair, brown eyes, and wearing pajamas ran out laughing evilly!

"HA! I TOLD YOU HE WOULD DIE AT THE END! DID YOU PEOPLE READ?" More evil laughter!

Then, she stops.

Neji, Tenten, and Lee are staring at her.

"Uh, hi… Never mind the fact that I just killed your sensei…"

More staring…

"Oh shit…"

EVEN MORE STARING. YAK.

Ally then pulls shovel out of pocket and starts brutally beating Lee and Neji.

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Ally then notices Tenten is staring at her.

Ally stares back.

Tenten stares at Ally.

Ally stares at Tenten.

Tenten stares at Ally.

"Want to join me?" Ally asks.

"Sure!" Tenten then pulls out shovel from her own pocket and joins Ally in the Neji/Lee killing spree.

Oh, yeah bitches.

* * *

IT'S FINALLY OVER! WOOOOOOT! It only took me 3 months!

Review!!!! The next chapter might actually be out by (next) New Year's!

Next up: ...Haven't decided yet...


	15. Neji's midnight pissing adventure

OH MY GOSH! I AM SO FRIGGIN SORRY! I HAVEN'S UPDATED IN 6 MONTHS! I have a good reason. I've been in and out of the hospital, so I haven't had time to work on my stories.

Right now I'm working on one mega story, but I feel so bad for not updating. So, in the meantime, I have a whole bunch of really crappy, short stories that I wrote in class. So, I'm just going to post some random ones. Yes, and I am aware they suck shit. But you're just going to have to deal. I'll make up for it with the current story I'm writing. It should be done in about 2 weeks. So just bear with me till then. K?

Disclaimer: I do own Naruto, just like every other motherfucker who writes these stories.

#15- Neji's Midnight Pissing Adventure

Neji woke up in the middle of the night and looked around his room. He needed to piss. Badly.

So, he got up and slowly walked to his bathroom. Then, he slowly opened the door. Then, he slammed open the door.

THERE SAT LEE ON HIS TOILET! OH MY GOD!

Lee looked up from the newspaper he was reading.

"Do you mind?"

Neji, who was gaping at Lee, slammed the door, then went back to bed.

Later, he woke up again. He. Really. Had. To. PISS.

So, he sprinted to his bathroom. Then, he opened the door. There sat Gai on his toilet.

Gai looked up from the newspaper he was reading.

"Do you mind?"

Neji slammed the door again, and went back to bed.

Later, he woke up, AGAIN. This time he cautiously opened the door. Naruto sat on his toilet this time.

Naruto looked up. "Do you-" SLAM!

Neji went back to bed. Poor guy, he must really have to piss by now.

Neji, again, woke up. HE COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! HE REALLY HAD TO –BEEP-IN PISS!

So, he ran to the bathroom like the madman he is and threw open the door. The site that greeted him was the most disturbing yet.

George Washington was on the toilet, Abe Lincoln was shaving, and John Adams was in the shower.

"Oh my…" Neji started when

"Must you really shave while I'm pissing?" George shouted.

"Well, yeah!"

"It's distracting!"

"Sucks for you!"

"Both of you, shut up! I'm trying to take a shower!" John screamed, poking his head around the curtain.

"No one asked you!" They both screamed.

"What did I eat last night…" Neji mumbled, surveying the site before him. (A/N- I'm using big words now!)

"Look at that kid!" George pointed.

"It's rude to point!" John Adams screamed, pointing at him.

"HE'S BLIND!" Abe shouted. (Why is it so much fun to say that he's blind?)

"I'm not blind!" Neji shouted back.

-In the hall-

Hiashi was outside the door, listening to Neji shouted at no one.

"What did that boy eat last night?" He muttered.

-In Neji's bathroom-

"In denial I see…" Abe said, looking at him with pity. So were all the other presidents.

"THAT'S IT!" Neji then pulled out a bazooka gun.

-In Hinata's Bathroom-

Hinata woke up and realized she had to take a piss.

So…

She went to her bathroom.

When she opened the door, Kiba sat on her toilet, reading a newspaper.

He looked up. "Hinata?"

"K-Kiba? What are you doing?"

"Wait, this isn't Neji's bathroom?"

Hinata wordlessly shook her head.

"Oh…Okay." Kiba then stood up, folded his newspaper, then walked out.

Hinata just looked after him for a few seconds, then ran into the bathroom

Outside the door, the sounds of someone pissing could be heard along with Hinata going. "Aaaahhhh…"

-In the morning-

Hiashi knocked on Neji's door.

"Neji, are you okay?" He called.

When he got no answer, he just walked in.

There sat Neji in the corner, in fettle position, while murmuring something about presidents, bazookas, being blind, and having to piss badly.

Hiashi stood there, looking at him for a couple of seconds, then just left, deciding that they were never going to give Neji meatloaf before bed again.

Yep, that's shitty story #1. And just to let you know, what happened had nothing to do with meatloaf. The guys planned for them all to show up in the middle of night, but for some reason, the presidents showed up. Really, they weren't part of the plan. Kiba was supposed to be 4th up, but he got lost.

Anywho, next chapter will be whatever I can find. Since all I really have to do is type up the story, I might actually be coming out with new stories almost every other day. YAY! They might not be that good, though…


	16. Pretty Princess Prt 1

Hello people! Sorry to keep you waiting! Anywho, I'm going to make this story 2 chapters long. I don'y know why, I just want to...

Anyway, ENJOY AND REVIEW!

Disclaimer: ... I don't own Naurto, because if I did, it woujldn't be Naruto, it would be Retard. That is what Naruto is, but in a good way...

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a pretty princess named Miato Gai. Actually, he wasn't very pretty and he wasn't a princess. (At least we hope not.)

He was merely a sensei for team of three little idiots. He, of course, was the biggest idiot of the bunch, both physically and mentally.

Yah.

But that is all about to change.

One day, Gai woke up, and did his morning routine. (Eat, Get dressed, and Take a crap…)

Then, he went to get the mail.

In the mail there was a very strange letter, and I mean VERY STRANGE.

It read:

_Dear Miato Gai,_

_You have won the chance to become a Pretty, Pretty princess._

_You probably do not remember entering this contest, but you did. You were entered the moment you were born._

_The oompalompas will come to pick you up at 12 noon. _

_Love,_

_Osama Bin Laden_

Gai stared at the paper. Osama Bin Laden?

Oh well.

You see, it had been his secret desire since he was just a wee little chickadee to be a pretty princess. Wasn't it every man's?

But, Oompalompas? Oh, well, whatever floats Osama Bin Laden's boat…

-At training-

Neji, Tenten, and Lee were all sitting around, eating ice cream. Seems normal enough, no?

But only if the ice cream wasn't fish flavored. Which it was.

So it wasn't that normal.

Whoa, off topic…

But then, GAI POPPED OUT OF ONE OF THE TREES!

How? Don't ask me, I'm the gingerbread man.

"YO MOTHERFUCKERS WUZZUP?"

Everyone was silent.

"Anywho, I'm quitting the team!"

"This is becoming a regular event…" Neji whispered.

"I have a very important job. This job is…"

The 3 Musketeers stood there, anxious… waiting to hear what important, demanding job pulled their sensei away from their team…

"And that job is… TO BECOME A PRETTY PRINCESS!"

Silence.

"A pretty… princess?" Tenten asked, as if she had not heard correctly.

Gai confirmed it with a nod of the head.

Neji and Tenten exchanged glances, then both collapsed to the floor, laughing hysterically. (Yes, Neji.)

Lee, on the other hand, made that WAHHHHHHHHH sound he made in episode 195, when Gai showed them the spandex, hearts in his eyes.

"You are so lucky! I've always wanted to be a pretty princess! You are so awesome!"

"I know I am. In fact, I'm so awesome that I managed to put a jutsu on the spandex that I gave to you and Naruto that will slowly devour your brains, so slowly you will not feel it, but it is happening, make no mistake. And as it does that, I am gaining that power, slowly becoming stronger, awaiting the day when I become stronger than the Fifth, then I will destroy Konaha! But that is just phase one in my master plan… Hehehe…"

"What?"

"…"

"…"

"…Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

MALE-BONDING TIME!

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

_**HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.**_

Ahem. Moving on…

After these two "episodes" happened. The 3 Musketeers decided to investigate further.

"So, what exactly are you going to do when you become a… pretty, pretty…princess…" Neji asked.

"This." Gai said, then the game Pretty, Pretty princess fell out of the sky.

(A/N- For all of you that don't know this game, you all spin a spinner and move around the board, trying to get all you pieces of jewelry. You can be pink, purple, green, or blue. You land on a space with a piece of jewelry, and you have to take it in your color. Once you get all your jewelry and the crown, which there is only one of, you win. They also have those put everything back spaces and take whatever you want. If somebody has the crown and you either land on the crown or take whatever, then you can take it from whoever has it. This probably makes no sense, but you can look it up on google.)

So then they all sat down on the table that appeared out of nowhere, like everything else in this story. Then, they picked colors.

"On the count of 3, everyone pick a color." Gai instructed.

"1, 2, baloney sandwich, 3! Green!" Gai screamed, picking up the green piece.

"Aw, I wanted to be green…" Lee pouted.

"I'm blue." Neji said.

"I'm purple." Said Tenten.

"But…that leaves me with pink…" Lee said picking up the pink piece and looking at it sadly.

"Don't worry Lee, women like men who wear pink." Tenten said consolingly.

"Yes, but men who wear pink don't like women." Neji mumbled.

"True…" Tenten replied, while Lee just glared.

"I like women. Haven't I proven that by making a total idiot out of myself chasing after Sakura?" Lee countered.

"Yes, you have made an idiot out of yourself. We all laugh at you. Ha. But that can all just be a scam to cover up the fact that you really liked men."

"I don't like men!"

"Sure you don't…"

"I don't!"

"Then explain why you're always hugging random men!"

"I'm not always hugging random men!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"I'm sorry Lee, would you like a hug?" Neji asked, spreading open his arms.

"Yes!" Lee replied, sniffling.

"HA! This proves it, you like hugging random men!"

"You're not a random man though!"

"Then what am I?"

"My teammate!"

"So?"

"Then you're not random!"

"That's what you think…"

"What?"

"How do you even know that I am you're teammate?"

"What?"

"How do you know that I'm not some 40-year-old man dressed up as a 14 year old?"

"You have the white eyes!"

"Contacts!"

"…oh…"  
"See, maybe I am a random man."  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I said MAYBE. Maybe I am your teammate…"

"STOP! STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTING MY TINY BRAIN!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Evilly…)"

"Okay, can we just get on with the damn game?" Tenten yelled over the commotion.

Everything was silent for a few seconds. Then Lee and Neji resumed their spots at the table. And then it began…

To say it was intense would be an understatement. In fact, it was so extreme, we had to invent a word for it. Huyulacroper. Yes. Huyulacroper.

It started off with them spinning for the lowest number. However, when Gai got 10, he changed it so it was highest number. He got 1. So then he screamed at the game until Tenten bitch slapped him. Then they decided just to let him go first if it bothered him that much. But then he went into a 3 hour lecture about it was not youthful to take pity on him, so then they said fine, he could go last, but then he started crying, saying how he wanted to go first. So, they started the game with Gai just sobbing on the floor, against Lee's protest.

Yep. Huyulacroper.

Anywho, I'll skip the actual game. Here's a summary of what happened. Gai won, but actually Neji won. He got all his pieces (necklace, earrings, ring, and bracelet) and the crown. If you think he normally looks gay, you should have seen him then. But Gai wanted to win, claiming he was really the prettiest princess, so then he beat him up and then tied him upside down on a tree, and claimed he was the winner. No one argued.

And then, the oompalompas showed up, singing.

"Oh, we are the oompalompas! Here to take this man to the CASTLE! Doh-doh-doh-doh!" They all sang.

As they sang, Lee asked Gai, "Who are they?"

"They're the oompalompas coming to take me to my castle."

"Wait, you were actually being serious?" Tenten asked.

"MPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!" Neji …uh Mph-ed… waving him arms around, comic style, still upside down.

"Oompalompa! We are here to take this old-"

"OLD?" Gai screamed, punching the poor oompalompa to the next chapter.

"Uhhh…" The oompalompas looked at each other.

"Young lady-"

"LADY?" Gai once again punched another poor little oompalompa to the next chapter.

"Uhhh…" The oompalompas looked at each other.

"Man to his castle!"

"Much better!" Gai sang.

""MPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Wow…" Lee and Tenten whispered in unison.

"Where he shall rule over us FOR-EEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!"

"Damn right!" Gai sang.

""MPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!" Neji was still upside down…Poor thing…

Then, the fairy godmother lady from Cinderella flew down from the sky.

"Hello. I'm your fairy godmother." She said.

"I have a fairy godmother?" Gai asked, his eyes sparkling as the oompalompas sang in the distance.

"No, but I'm getting paid $17.98 an minute. You don't get paid like that in Disney!" She then laughed evilly.

"Oh…" Gai oh-ed.

"-Ahem- Anywho this is your dress!"

She then tapped Gai on the head, and suddenly he was in a big, pink, poof-tastic dress, complete with fake-diamond crown and high heels.

Gai had a shocked expression on his face, the kind where you put your hands on either side of your face and your eyes become wide and so does your mouth.

"What the…" Tenten mumbled.

"So pretty…" Lee admired, staring with hearts in his eyes at Gai.

Tenten gave him a weird look, then scooted away.

"Let's take him off to the CASTLE!" The oompalompas sang.

"MPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!" Does nobody care about Neji?

"I promise to do my best!" Gai sang in a high-pitched girly voice.

"I'M FREE!" Neji yelled, finally getting down.

All the happy music stopped. All the oompalompas glared at him, eyes red.

"Oh, fiddle sticks…" Neji mumbled.

Then, THEY POUNCED! All the oompalompas tackled him to the ground, then tied him to the tree upside down. AGAIN.

"MPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!" Oh well…

"Off to the castle!" Then Gai and the oompalompas danced off to the castle.

Lee blinked. "How long has that been there?" Lee asked Tenten.

"It's always been there." Tenten informed.

"Lee looked back at it. "How could I have not noticed that?" Lee asked.

Tenten shrugged.

"MPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!"

The two turned around and looked at Neji.

They looked at him, then each other.

"Want to come back for him tomorrow?" Tenten asked grinning.

"Works for me." Lee replied, also grinning.

So, they left him there and strolled into the sunset.

"MPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!" As soon as he realized they weren't coming back, he started to cry. Poor baby.

-At the castle-

Gai sat there and sighed. He was sitting at his throne, and simply put, HE WAS BORED!

Gai sighed again, resting his head on his hand. Then he tapped his foot against the floor.

Wait.

He tapped it again. Suddenly, he smiled.

He started tapping his feet and banging his hands against the armrest. As soon as he found a cool beat, he started beatboxing.

Oh, yeah.

He sat there doing this for quite some time, the noise echoing through the castle.

"Excuse me, Princess Gai?"

"What!" Gai snapped looking down at the oompalompa. How dare he interrupt his music making?

"You need to chose a prince, jester, and maid." The little guy said, holding his clipboard in front of his face trembling.

"Really? I know just the people…" Gai then started laughing evilly.

-That night-

Neji still hung upside down from his little tree branch, when suddenly a noise was heard in the distance.

His eyes snapped open. "Guys, did you came back for me? Guys?" Neji called out into the darkness. Suddenly, a dark shadow loomed over him. His eyes went wide. "Wait you're not- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Neji's screams could be heard all the way at Lee's house.

Lee awoke with a little grunt, then sat up, rubbing his head.

"I swear I just heard Neji screaming…" He shrugged, then went to lie back down, when a hand reached out from behind him, and pulled him away, covering his mouth, to smother his cries of protest.

Tenten, at her house, woke up with a start. She listened for a couple seconds. "Huh… My Neji-and-Lee-are-in-trouble senses were tingling but I guess it was no-" A fist hit her in the back of the head, knocking her unconscious…

-The next day-

Tenten wandered around the castle halls. She could not believe it! Last night, the freakin' oompalompas came and knocked her out, then, she woke up tied up in a room, when her sensei, of all people, came out and told she was now a prince! What the heck? She wasn't even a boy! Maybe a bit tomboyish at times but not biologically a boy. To make things worse, she was now in a cape and poofy shorts and really high socks, along with a weird collared shirt.

She sighed. Life sucked.

"Why are you wearing a cape?" Came a familiar voice from behind her.

She spun around to see Neji.

Her eyes widened.

"You, my friend, are wearing tights."

"I know."

"…You look so stupid…"

"I can look stupider."

She looked up from his tights.

"How?"

He pulled from behind his back a weird hat with bells on it.

Then he put it on.

Tenten stared at him for a couple of seconds.

"…" Then she burst out laughing.

"I don't look that stupid… Do I?"

"YES!" She still laughed at him, doubled over, tears welling up in her eyes.

"…" Neji just stood there.

"Hey guys!" Yelled a voice from behind Neji. They turned around to see Lee standing at the end of the highway, wearing a… Oh my god…

The 2 stared wide-eyed at Lee's… French maid uniform, complete with fishnet stockings and red 3-inch pumps.

"What?"

They continued staring.

"What is it? Does this outfit make my buttox look big?" Lee turned around so his back was facing the others. He then twisted his head around to look at his ass.

"It does, doesn't it?"

The other 2 were still staring.

"I know I should have gotten the size 10, but I was just so hopeful that I could fit into the size 8! I'm so obese! I'm passed fat!" He ran away sobbing like a baby.

Neji looked at Tenten.

"That never happened, got it?" Tenten nodded.

"By the way, what was up with leaving me there yesterday!?!" He yelled at her.

"Uh…um…" Tenten refused to look at him, though she could feel him glaring at her.

"Um, Jester Neji…" Neji jumped and turned around. There stood a little oompalompa.

"Princess Gai wants to be entertained. Prince Tenten can come too."

"What?" Neji said staring wide eyed at the orange creature.

"Princess Gai want to be-"

"I heard that! That wasn't a I didn't hear you what, it was a I heard you but you have to be joking what."

"But he wants to be entertained."

"I don't care. He can entertain himself by clipping his toenails. "

"But-"

"No, I'm not entertaining him. I'm not. I won't. I refuse to."

-10 minutes later-

" I can't believe I'm entertaining him…" Neji mummered.

Neji stood there in front of Gai and Tenten, wondering what he should do.

"Juggle." Gai said.

"Juggle what?" Neji whined.

"These." Gai threw some balls at him, and no, not those kinds of balls. Sorry.

Neji caught them with ease, then tried to juggle them.

However, he instead threw them up, too hard, smacked the ceiling, fell down, and banged him on the head.

"Owww!" He yelled, grabbing his head.

"Damn balls!" He then jumped on top of them, but it hurt his feet, so then, he jumped back and yelped in pain, clutching his feet.

Gai and Tenten were laughing at Neji's pain.

"ENOUGH!" Gai screamed.

"What?" Neji asked, tears in his eyes.

"I have a better idea!"

"What?"

"Dance."

"To what?"

"This." Gai snapped his fingers when-

MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD AND THEY'RE LIKE IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS DAMN IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS I CAN TEACH YOU BUT I'LL HAVE TO CHARGE MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD…

Neji stared at the ceiling where the music was coming from, then at Gai.

"Well? Dance!"

"How?"

"Like a whore! Shake your ass like there's no tomorrow!" Gai said throwing his hands up in the air.

Well, then he started dancing.

He was shaking his ass likes there's no tomorrow.

Then, Lee came out and they started dancing together. Like sluts. They were skipping around, slapping their asses, sucking on their fingers, and simply put, IT WAS WRONG.

But Gai and Tenten enjoyed it.

Finally, the song was over.

Gai and Tenten were laughing so hard, they were crying. Hopefully you readers at home are too cause that means I'm doing my job.

Lee went back to his cleaning, and once Neji realized what he had just done, his eyes widened, then ran out screaming.

Tenten wiped some tears from her eyes, then looked at Gai. "Did you get that on tape?" She asked.

"Actually, I did." Gai responded, holding up a suspicious looking tape.

They both stared it for a few seconds.

"Let's send it to the Hyuuga's." Tenten said.

Gai nodded, then snapped his fingers. In an instant, there were at lest 40 Oompalompas around his feet.

"Yes, Princess Gai?"

"Send this to the Hyuuga's."

"Yes, Princess Gai."

Then they all filed out in a single file line.

"What do you think they're going to do with it?" Gai asked Tenten.

She shrugged.

-At the next Hyuuga meeting-

**LALA****-LALA-Laa** The boys are waiting **LALA-LALA-Laa** MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD

All the Hyuuga's were laughing hysterically as they watched Lee pour water all over Neji, who had taken off his shirt.

"Entertainment hasn't been this good since we got the tape of Hiashi making out with that tree!" One Hyuuga whispered to the other.

He nodded in agreement

-Later at the Castle-

"Come on Neji, you can't stay under there forever!" Lee called, poking the broom under the table.

"Go away, yes I can!" Neji yelled back.

"No, how are you going to eat?" Lee asked.

"I don't need to eat!" He replied.

"Come on Neji!" He said, poking him again with his broom.

"Stop poking me!"

"Why?"

-CRUNCH-

Lee lifted up the broom.

The top was bitten on.

He looked under the table. Neji was gnawing on the top. He opened up his eyes to look at him, looking really creepy.

Lee stared, then looked at the broom, then just left, eyes still wide.

-Later-

"Come on Neji, it wasn't that bad!" Tenten said to the poor little munchkin under the table.

"NO!" Called out a voice from under the table.

Tenten looked at Lee. "I don't think he's coming out…"

Lee held up his broom and sniffled. "He broke my broom…"

"Yes I know, Lee."

He sniffled again, and Tenten turned back to the table.

"Neji, you weren't really that bad. In fact, you were pretty good. Where did you learn to dance like that?"

"MTV." Came a sad voice.

Of course.

Tenten sighed.

"Please come out?"

"No…" He whined. "Leave me alone under here with my little civilization of dust bunnies! … You didn't clean under here too well Lee…"

"Would you came out for a cookie?" Tenten bribed.

"…What kind…"

"Chocolate chip."

"…Bring it to me…"

Tenten and Lee looked at each other.

"He actually went for that?" Lee said amazed.

"Ya!" Tenten responded happily.

CRUNCH!

Tenten and Lee looked back under the table.

Neji had just taken a bite of the broom top that he had bitten off earlier. He looked at them.

"What? Wood is VERY nutritious." He said like a professor.

They just stared, looked at each other, then just left.

-Later-

"Where is the kitchen!?!" Tenten screamed, falling to her knees.

"I don't know!" Lee cried, falling to his knees beside her.

"We must have been searching for hours, maybe even days!"

"We've only been looking for 13 minutes Tenten…"

"Oh…"

They looked at each other. Where was the kitchen?

Then, they noticed some movement out of the corners of their eyes. They turned and looked at the Oompalompa walking passed.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where the kitchen is?" Lee asked, running up to it.

"Sure, maid Lee. It's quite simple actually. Just walk down to the end of the hall, then take a right, walk about 6 feet, then take a left, then go up the staircase on the right, then walk down the hallway with all the paintings, then you'll come to a door that says Ball room, walk through there, then go out the second door on the right, then walk down that hall, then make a right, go up the left staircase, make another right, then you'll be right outside the kitchen doors. See, easy!" He concluded happily.

Lee turned to Tenten. "Okay, now we can either follow those directions and risk getting lost and starving to death, or we can just leave Neji."

Tenten thought for a couple of seconds. "Well, I do feel kinda bad for leaving him upside down on the tree…"

Lee looked at her. "Come on, he'll come out eventually!"

Tenten gave him this really cute look.

'No, must not give in, must not give in, must not give in, must not- oh who am I kidding, I'm giving in.' Lee thought.

"Fine." Lee said, hanging his head.

"Yay!" Tenten said, smiling and jumping up and down.

- 20 minutes later-

"Remind me why we didn't just leave him again?" Tenten asked, growling in frustration.

"I wanted to leave him, but NO, you wanted to get him his dang cookie!" Lee yelled, angriest any of us have ever seen.

Oh. Scary.

"Okay, so I screwed-up. Let's just go back and leave him there with his little civilization of dust bunnies."

"…I swear I cleaned under there…"

"What does it matter? Let's just go back." Tenten then turned around and started to walk when she realized something.

She turned back to Lee.

"I have absolutely no clue how to get back…" She cried.

Lee started crying too.

They were going to spend the rest of their lives here together, until they either starved to death or the oompalompas came and ate them!

What the heck?

* * *

Oh, the suspense! What will happen to them? Will Lee and Tenten make it out alive? Will Neji learn to part with his civilization of dust bunnies? Will Gai succed as a princess? I don't know!

Review, and soon, you will know...

Do do do do, do dod dod do, You are now entering... The Ally zone...


	17. 20th Chapter

Hey, peeps! Wuzup? Now this isn't really a chapter as much as something to keep you people I mean, _my readers, _happy.

In the beginning, if you all remember, I was going to stop at 20 chapters. Why 20? I have no shittin clue. I had already written the 20th chapter though, so I'm going to post it just because it's been sitting on my computer for months now…

ENJOY, BITCHES!

Disclaimer: I have wasted many birthday wishes on owning Naruto, but alas, it was for naught, I OWN JACK DIDDLY SQUAT

This chapter is dedicated to Sunsetsofyouthfulness, another faithful reviewer of mine!

#17- What was supposed to be the 20th chapter!

And the 20th stupid thing Team Gai has done is-

Tenten turned away from her computer and looked at Neji and Lee.

"What is the 20th stupid thing that we have done?"

Lee answered, "How about the time we blew up the microwave?" '

"No, how about the time we set Ninkame (Gai's turtle) on fire?" Tenten replied.

"What about the time we threw Naruto off a cliff?"

"How about the time we went camping?"

"Or the time we got ice cream?"

"Or the time we gave you a makeover, Lee?"

"Or the time-"

"Here's an idea, actually taking the time to write about the 20 stupidest things we've done?" Neji interrupted, who was lying upside down from Tenten's bed.

Lee and Tenten looked at each other, then turned back to Neji.

"THAT'S PERFECT!" Tenten then turned back to the computer and typed what you have just read.

She then turned back to Neji and Lee.

"We're done."

Lee awed, and Neji said, "Wait. We're done?"

"Yes."

"So I can go home?"

"…yes…"

"WOOOOOOOTTTTT!"

Neji then jumped up, and jumped out the window, at least he would have if it was open.

SMACK 

"That had to hurt…" Lee said, looking at the window, where Neji was smacked against it.

Tenten and Lee then got a giant ass spatula, pried Neji off the window, opened it, the threw him out the window.

Then they all went home and lived happily ever after.

Not really.

The bad news is, they all died on their next mission, and the people you see after the time skip are really stunt doubles.

The good news is- damn, there is no good news.

The END! You might have seen your idea for a story up there, and I will get around to writing them all now! ADIOS!  
P.S. I'm almost done with the second half of the Pretty, Pretty Princess chapter. WOOT!


	18. Pretty Princess Prt 2

Here it is, part 2. Finally!

I will be honest. I rewrote and rewrote this chapter over and over, hence the late update, but it does not live up to part 1. However, the story will get better! Now sit back, relax and eat some pie!

Disclaimer: I love you, you love me, BARNEY GOT STUNG BY A KILLER BEE! HIS HEAD POPPED OFF AND HIS BUTT TURNED BLUE! NOW WE'RE FREE TO SAY **I HATE YOU!**

* * *

Tenten and Lee were standing there sobbing when an Oompalompa came along.

"What is wrong?" it asked, looking up at them.

Tenten glared at him (she had glaring lessons with Neji every Thursday from 6 to 7:30) "You, don't look at us like that, all cute and innocent. We see right through you. You're trying to get our trust so then you can lure us into some dark room and DEVOUR US!" She screamed at it.

The Oompalompa gave her a w-t-f look?

"Uh, ignore her, she's crazy…" Lee said, chuckling nervously.

"Don't call me crazy! You're the gay freak with big-ass eyebrows and freaky-ass bug eyes! I'm not crazy!" She screamed back.

"…I'm not crazy…" Lee said, sniffling.

Tenten just glared at him with a glare that would make Neji proud.

Lee just sniffled some more.

Glare.

Sniffle.

Glare.

Sniffle.

Glare.

Sob.

Glare.

Rolling around on the floor crying.

Tenten, obviously satisfied with her work, turned back to the Oompalompa, who started shaking.

"Why are you still here? Go away or else I'll eat you before you can eat me!" She growled.

"Yes, miss." He whimpered, then took off.

She then glared again at Lee, then started to back away when

"Wow, you really are crazy." Came a voice from behind her.

She turned around to see -TA DA- NEJI!

"Oh, you're another one who shouldn't be- Wait, YOU CAME OUT!" Tenten yelled, then ran over and hugged him, starting to cry.

"We never thought you would come out! We were so worried!" Tenten sobbed onto his chest.

"Ya!" Lee was also sobbing on him now.

Neji stood there for a second, then shrugged and crying himself. Then all 3 of them broke and down and started crying on the floor.

-4 hours later-

Neji, Tenten, and Lee sat around playing Pretty, Pretty Princess again.

Lee moved his piece 6 spaces. He landed on… Dun dunt da dun! Put all your pieces back!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lee screamed, throwing back his head and spinning around in circles. He looked quite stupid actually…

-2 hours 18 minutes 47 seconds and 19 milliseconds later-

Lee stopped. "Okay guys, we can finish the game no- THEY'RE GONE!" Lee then started crying again.

-With Neji and Tenten-

Now, these 2 had found the kitchen! WOOT! And now they were sitting on the counter eating cookies and other delectable sweets.

"Do you really think we should have left him there like that?" Tenten asked.

"Hn." Came Neji's famous reply though it sounded more like 'Hmnph' due to the fact that him mouth was full of 18 cookies. No, I didn't think that many would fit either, but I don't make up the stories, I just write them down. …Okay, ya, I make them up but honestly…who cares? Not me! But I bet Fred cares! Remember him? He's the strongest youth in Naruto! (See my Jeopardy chapter for further details)

"Okay, you don't have to put it like that…"

"Hm."

"You are so cruel to him."  
All the Oompalompas were staring at the 2 having this …conversation.

"Un."

"You know, he's not too bad. Even you can't deny it."

"Um."

"See. There you go."

"Um… excuse me Prince Tenten?"

Tenten looked down at the oompalompa tugging on her sleeve.

"What do you want?"

"Do you actually understand him?"

"Ya…Don't you?"

The Oompalompa sadly shook its head.

"Oh, okay then."

Silence.

"Wait. I know what's going on. You're trying to make friendly talk to gain our trust, but then you're going to EAT US!" She screamed.

All the Oompalompas stared.

"Uh…yea…she's kinda…crazy today…" Neji said apologetically.

"I'M NOT CRAZY!" She screamed.

All the Oompalompas stared.

Tenten stared back then yelled, "Quick, Neji, let us go and plan a rebellion against the Oompalompa's rebellion!"

"What?" He asked, mouth full of cookies.

"Let us go, Neji!"

"…You've been spending too much time with Gai-sensei and Lee…" Neji muttered.

"…" Tenten then grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragging him away…

"NO! MY COOKIES! MY BABIES! MOMMY WILL RETURN! I WILL RETURN! I LOVE YOU!" Neji screamed as he was forcibly dragged from the kitchen.

"…What was that…" One Oompalompa said to the other.

He shrugged back.

-With Lee-

"Dang it! I'm lost again!" Lee screamed falling to his knees.

Lee looked around hopelessly at his surroundings.

He was in the middle of the big hall with the throne it.

Gai looked at him with pity.

-With Neji and Tenten-

"We must find a hiding place!" Tenten yelled, still dragging Neji, who was sobbing because he had to leave his precious cookies. After all, he was their "Mommy".

"Gasp!" Tenten yelled instead of gasping. She has been spending WAY too much time with Lee and Gai…

"It's perfect!" She screamed, pointing.

Neji looked.

It was a closet.

"Why is it perfect?"

"…"

"…"

"It just is."

"…Right."

They stood there in silence for a couple seconds.

Then Tenten threw Neji in to the closet, then followed, slamming the door shut behind them.

-With Lee and Gai-

Gai was still watching Lee sob pathetically on the floor.

Finally, he cracked.

"LEE! YOU ARE NOT LOST!"

Lee looked up at Gai.

"You are just trying to trick me! I am lost, damn it!" His eyes were red and he was foaming at the mouth.

The whole world was frightened. A rabid Lee is not a good Lee. He and his eyebrows were going to take over. It was inevitable. Everyone headed to their homes to enjoy one last evening with their families.

Except one very brave and stupid soul.

"Right, Lee. Stop."

Lee looked up.

"Are you sure I'm not lost?"

"Yes, Lee, I am sure."

There was silence between the man and boy.  
(At least we think they're male. It hasn't yet been confirmed.)

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"**LEE!"**

"**GAI-SENSEI!"**

"**LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"**

"**GAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-SSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"**

Hug, sparkles, the whole shabazz.

-With Tenten and Neji-

"Okay, time to take attendance."

"Tenten, it's only us two." Neji said, exasperated.

"Neji, Neji, Neji." Tenten said sadly, shaking her head. "You spent too much time under that table. We're not the only two in here." She continued, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "There are tons of members in here."

Neji looked around and saw no one but the two of them.

"I don't see them."

Tenten blinked. "For a guy with all seeing eyes, you are incredibly blind."

"Thanks." He said dryly.

"You're welcome." She answered happily.

She then jumped up and sat on top of a bucket. "Right then. Neji?"

"Here." He answered unenthusiastically.

"Tenten?" She looked around for a second.

Then she jumped up, raised her hand in the air and yelled, "Here!"

Then she sat back down.

"Okay, we're done. Can we just get this over with?" Neji asked.

"No, we are not done! Broom?"

Neji groaned.

-With Gai and Lee-

Gai and Lee were playing pretty, pretty princess again.

Lee moved his piece 6 spaces. He landed on… Dun dunt da dun! Put all your pieces back!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lee screamed, throwing back his head and spinning around in circles. He looked quite stupid actually…

-2 hours 18 minutes 47 seconds and 19 milliseconds later-

Lee stopped. "K, we can finish now."

"What?" Gai jerked awake.

"We can finish the game." Lee said,

"Oh… right." Gai replied stupidly.

_Grumble._

Gai and Lee looked at Gai's stomach.

_Grumble._

"SHUT UP!" Gai screamed, jumping up, looking at his stomach.

_Grumble._

"Do not defy Gai-sensei!" Lee yelled, also jumping up.

_Grumble._

Lee and Gai grew 2nd heads, started breathing fire, and attacked Gai's stomach, killing him. Then Lee went on a rampage and killed your mom.

The End.

-With Neji and Tenten-

"Screw #4679?" Tenten asked, looking up from a piece paper 25 feet long, draped over our poor little Hyuuga sitting on a bucket.

"…"

"You there?" Tenten looked around until she was satisfied then marked her paper.

"K, we're done!" Tenten yelled happily, throwing the paper up in the air.

Neji paused for a couple of seconds, then pulled the paper away from his face.

He stared at her silently for a couple of seconds, then jumped up at screamed something primal and slightly frightening.

Tenten stood there, indifferent to her psycho teammate.

Finally he stopped and sat back down.

"Right, now then. We are here to discusses the Oompalompa rebellion." She said in a commanding voice.

Neji raised his hand.

"Yes, Neji?"

"The oompalompas are not having a rebellion."

"YES THEY ARE! WHAT FACT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT THEY AREN'T?"

"And what fact do you have to say that they are having one?"

Tenten sat back down again calmly.

"My the-oompalompas-are-about-to-have-a-rebellion- sense is tingling."

"…You have one of those?" Neji asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Tenten nodded.

"…Right…"

All was silent for a few seconds.

Neji stood up.

"K, I'm hungry. Can we go eat and then have this meeting?"

Tenten pondered for several seconds.

_Grumble._

Both looked at their stomachs, then at each other.

"Fine, but then we come back."

Neji rolled his eyes then replied with a "Hn," which for the sake of the story, we will pretend it means yes.

Neji turned to the door, then turned the knob and pushed.

It didn't open.

He pushed again.

Still closed.

He turned to Tenten, who watching.

"It won't open…"

Tenten sighed, then said, "Let me try." She then pushed on the door.

It didn't open.

The two looked at each other, then screamed and started pounding and pushing on the door.

"HELP! THE OOMPALOOMPAS ARE GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US IN THIS STATE AND COME AND EAT US!"

"DON'T LEAVE ME LOCKED IN HERE WITH HER, SHE'S GONE CRAZY!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"

-With Gai and Lee-

Gai came back to life, and Tsunade chopped of the extra heads, so it was like nothing ever happed. But your mom's still dead. BURN.

Now the two of them were wandering aimlessly through the halls, trying to find something to eat. You'd think they'd have the sense to just go to the kitchen, but the bowl cuts have eaten their brains. Tragic, ain't it?

But, then they heard incoherant screaming from somewhere. They looked at eachother, and then started heading towards the noise.

They found the source, a closet.

Out of the closet came a voice. And not just any voice, but Tenten's voice.

And thumping.  
"Push harder damnit!"

Then came second voice, Neji's. "I'm trying! This is the first time this has happened to me!"

"I don't care, it's my first time too, but just keep pushing!"

The thumpings became louder and more frequent.

"You're not exactly pushing too hard and doing your part!"

"You're supposed to be the strong male, not me!"

"This is all your falt anyway!"

"What?"

"You're the one who locked us in here!"

"You suck, Hyuuga Neji, you suck!"

"And you swallow!"

"…"  
"Oh yeah, I got you with that one, didn't I?"

"…I'm tired, let's take a break."

"Fine, but this was all your fault…"

Silence came from within.

Gai then turned to Lee and started singing, "Let me tell you about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees and the sky up above…"

The 2 then skipped away as Gai continued singing.

-In the closet-

Neji and Tenten sat down on some buckets, tired from their frantic attempts to knock down the door. Needless to say, it did not work.

"This. Is. Stupid." Neji said, over annunciating each syllable.

"…" Tenten had nothing to say for herself.

It seemed as though they were going to be trapped in here for all eternity when, "Hello Prince Tenten and Jester Neji!" Popped a little Oompalompa out of the second door in the closet.

Both jumped up in surprise, hugging eachother.

"How long has that door been there?"

"We just built it."

"How? We were right here the whole time." Tenten asked.

"You were yelling too loud to hear us." He answered happily.

"…"

"Anywho, dinner is now being served."

Tenten squinted as she glared. "Ya, for you. YOU'RE GOING TO EAT US!"

The Oompalompa just stared then asked, "Are you coming or not?"

"NO!" Tenten screeched.

"Just ignore her. I'm coming." Neji answered.

"NO! THEY'LL EAT YOU!" Tenten screamed.

Neji simply shrugged and followed the Oompalompa out.

Tenten dropped to her knees and started crying. My, this happens often.

"No, Neji! You're going to die! I wanted to be the one to kill you! If they also get Lee and Gai-sense, I'll have nothing to look forward to in later life!" She and Sasuke should meet up some time…

-With Gai and Lee-

"And then the lady screams at the man that she is going to kill him, and the doctors throw him out of the room and he wonders why because he is dim! Then she screams another time, and the baby comes and starts to cry!" Gai was still singing…

"Excuse me, Princess Gai and Maid Lee?"

Gai stopped singing and looked down at the Oompalompa.

"Vaht? Vaht is it you vant from me?" He asked.

"How long have you been German?" Lee asked.

"Since five seconds ago. Vhy?

"Just wondering…"

"Anyway dinner is being served." The confused Oompalompa answered. Ninja could be germen?

Well, not Gai. He can change his nationality, gender, and underwear at will, though his will says he should change his underwear once every five days.

"Funny, we were just looking for a place to eat." Gai said.

"I thought you were singing about the birds and the bees?" The Oompalompa said in a confused manner.

"Shh! No wasn't!" Gai whispered, running behind the Oompalompa and covering his mouth, looking around suspiciously.

-In the kitchen-

Neji sat at the counter when the door opened and in came Thing 1 and Thing 2. GO DR. SUESS!

No, it was really Gai and Lee. Sorry to disappoint you. Anywho they came in and sat next to him. Then they started singing "We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine…." After round 7, they were beginning to wonder when they were going to eat.

But when they turned to ask, the Oompalompas were all wearing bibs and carrying HUGE knives.

"Um… this is bad…" Lee whispered.

"The girl was on to us but none of you listened, so now you will be EATEN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" One Oompalompa screamed, then all the others joined in the evil laughing.

The 3 idiots sat on the counter, suddenly wishing they had listened. They all looked at each other, the snuck out of the kitchen silently while the Oompalompas were distracted.

-Outside the Kitchen-

"We're screwed, we're screwed, we're screwed…" Lee kept muttering to himself as they snuck around the corner.

"SHUT UP!" Neji screamed, starting to freak out himself.

Suddenly, they heard voices around the corner, shouting, "We've found them, they're around this corner!"

"Neji…" Lee and Gai growled, turning slowly and glaring at Neji.

"Wait let us round the corner slowly and dramatically, giving the people around it enough time to come up with a plan to trick us because there is a dead end and there is no point in running!" They could hear all the others muttering in agreement.

"You're the person who gave us away, so come up with a plan to get us out of it!" Gai hissed at him.

"Okay, I'm thinking…" Neji hissed back. A light bulb appeared over his head. After a couple of seconds, it flashed on!

"Okay, this plan I call plan M…" Neji whispered franticly.

Lee and Gai just nodded and leaned in to listen…

-Around the corner-

"That's it, let's just go around the corner!" One Oompalompa screamed.

They all nodded then jumped around the corner to find… A mariachi band!

They were wearing red tuxedos with great big sombreros!

Lee was rockin the trumpet, Neji was jamming on the cello thing that I don't know what it's called, and Gai was playing those awesome bongo things.

"Well, there's no one here but a mariachi band."

"Let's try the other corner!"

All the Oompalompas ran away, screaming and shouting.

As soon as the coast was clear, the three pulled of their tuxes and started cheering, managing to get rid of the Oompalompas.

"Wait, I hear cheering!" Came a voice. Within seconds, all the Oompalompas were back.

"Fuck." Neji whispering.

There was silence all around. Then, the three screamed and ran away. The Oompalompas chased after them until the reached a dead end.

"Crap." Gai said, turning to face the Oompalompas.

They all laughed ominously as they rubbed their knives together, drooling and licking their lips.

"Well, guys, this is it." Gai said, gulping.

"Yea…" Lee whispered.

"You know, now that this is the end, I have something to tell you two." Neji said, wrapping his arms around them.

"Yes, Neji?" Lee asked, stars in his eyes.

"You guys are idiots." He answered, pausing for a couple seconds, the nodded as though agreeing with himself. "Yep, idiots..."

"Well, normally I would glare at you, but right now I honestly don't care." Gai sniffled.

The Oompalompas closed in closer, causing the three to be completely backed up into the wall. All hope was lost. It was over. It was…

THE END.

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Whoot! Finished with part 2! Don't worry, it's not over! There is a part 3! Sing Hallelujah! Now, if you want to find out what happens, click that little purple button in the left corner. You know you want to… 


	19. Pretty Princess The Finale!

It is TIME! This is the last part of my Pretty Princess story. –SIGH- I've kind of grown attached to it… Oh well, this is it. It's not too great, but, hey, it's the last part. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Once upon a time, there was a girl named Ally. She wrote stories, but did not own the series for which she wrote. The end. THE END! THE END! THE END, DAMMIT! END! END! END! THE FUCKING END!

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The three stood back against the wall, defeated, about to be eaten, when suddenly…

"STOP!" Came a heroic voice. They all looked up to see… TENTEN! (Bet you all forgot about her…Teehee…)

"Tenten!" Gai yelled.

"Tenten!" Lee yelled.

"Tenten!" The Oompalompas yelled.

"Tenten!" Jesus yelled.

"Mommy!" Neji yelled.

"I'm here to save you guys!" Tenten said cheerfully from the rafters in which she stood.

"NO!" Yelled the Oompalompas.

"WE'RE SAVED!" Lee and Gai yelled

"MOMMY!" Yelled Neji. (A/N- If you don't get this whole Neji calling Tenten Mommy thing, then see my Jeopardy chapter…)

"Wait, there are 456,798,387,495,495,208,204,395 of us and only one of her!" Yelled one Oompalompa.

"YEA!" Yelled all the others in agreement.

They all started running up the wall towards her.

Tenten narrowed her eyes as she pulled her big-ass scroll out of her pocket.

And, hence, the battle began.

One Oompalompa tore ahead of the pack, waving a Nerds Rope, intent on hitting her with it. Tenten jumped out of the way, summoning a banana. When he lashed it at her again, she held out the banana, which was mushy and sticky from being in the place where she keeps all of her stuff that she summons, so the Nerds Rope got stuck on it.

"No!" Cried the Oompalompa as the kicked him in the face, breaking his nose and knocking him off the rafter.

One down, 456,798,387,495,495,495,208,204,394 to go.

The next one who charged was brandishing a Wonka Chocolate Bar.

"RAOR!" He screamed as he yelled at her.

Quickly, she summoned a –GASP- Hershey Chocolate Bar! OH SWEET BAJESUS!

He broke of a chunk and threw it at her, as she broke off a piece and threw it at him. They collided in mid-air, then rebounded, spinning like Shuriken.

He growled, then did something totally unexpected- he breathed on it, causing it to melt.

Everyone stood in total silence, wondering what he was getting at. Then, once the bar was half melted, he blew on it, causing it to fly in a jet towards her.

She gasped, then jumped up just in time as the chocolate hit the wall where she had been standing moment before.

'That was close…' She thought, sailing through the air.

"I've got you now!" He screamed, blowing the stream now at her in mid-air. "Let's see you dodge it this time!"

"Shit!" She yelled.

Suddenly, she had an idea!

She took a bit of her chocolate bar, the chewed it up slightly, then spat it out like a machine gun at the incoming stream of enemy chocolate.

The two jets met in mid-air, pushing eachother back and forth like you see in all the movies.

Everyone stood, staring at the battle, the stupidest battle to ever take place.

Tenten thought for a second at what she could do to make her jet more powerful.

Then, she realized something. She lifted the other half of the chocolate bar…

AND THREW IT AT THE OOMPALOMPA!

It hit him in the head, knocking him out, and stopping the stream of chocolate.

Oh yeah, Ten is kicking some orange ass today…

Another Oompalompa came forward with a package of…NERDS! ZOMYGOD!

Tenten once again pulled out her scroll and summoned a package of marshmallows!

The oompalompa threw the nerds at her, but she did nothing to avoid it other than start ripping apart the marshmallows.

Everyone wondered what she was doing, the nerds were less then 2 millimeters away! But then, she held up the marshmallows and they got stuck on them! She then threw the marshmallows, weighted with nerds, back at him, AND HIT HIM IN THE BABY MAKER!

"Awww…" He moaned, doubling over, clutching the family jewels.

Tenten charged on over and KICKED HIM **THERE! **

"NoOoOooOoOoOoOoOoOoO!" He screamed as he toppled off the rafter.

But it still didn't change the fact that there were many more of them then there were then her. There was no way to fight them all. Also, the author was running out of ideas for a candy-based fight sequence.

What to do?

"WAIT! THERE IS A BETTER WAY TO SOLVE THIS!" Neji screamed.

Everyone looked at him.

"I call it plan M." He said.

"Your last plan was called plan M." Gai reminded him.

"So?" He asked.

"You can't have two plan M's."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

K, I'm getting tired of writing that, and I'm sure you are tired of reading it, so we shall skip forward.

"No you-" Neji punched Gai in the face then turned back to everyone.

"As I was saying, the only way to solve this is…A YOUR MOM OFF!"

Silence.

"I said, A YOUR MOM OFF!"

Everyone cheered as they ran over to some unknown stadium.

-At the Unkown Stadium-

"We are gathered here today to join this couple in holy mat- NOT! THIS IS THE YOUR MOM OFF OF THE YEAR!" Neji screamed into the microphone.

"Yeah!" Everyone cheered!

"The contenders are…Tenten!"

Tenten walked out into the stadium, pumping her fists in the air. Everyone cheered!

"And Oompalompa number 4,567,893,563,234,567, or Mike!"

Mike also walked out, and everyone cheered!

"We will now explain the rules! You will throw your worst mom insults at eachother until one comes out that is so INSULTING it makes JESUS come down! First off will be Tenten because she's smexy!"

Can is thrown at Neji. Can hits Neji in the head. Neji suffers brain damage. Neji's still the commenter.

"You're mom is like a vacuum cleaner- she sucks, she blows, and she gets laid in a closet!"

"Ohhhhhhhhh, damn! Now that one was insulting!"

"Your mom is so fat when the whales see her, they sing "we are family, even though your fatter than me!"

"Not very original, but a classic insult! Tenten's gonna need a good one!"

"Your mom is so old, even god calls her mom!"

"Now, that is old!"

"Your mom is so old, when god said let there be light, she flipped the switch!"

"Another good one!"

"Your mom is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it saw it's life flash before it's eyes!"

"Ohhh! Good one smexy!"

Can is thrown at Neji. Can hits Neji in the head. Neji suffers (more) brain damage. Neji's still the commenter.

"Your moms so ugly, my eyes burned out when I saw her!"

"That one was lacking…"

Mike started to sweat, was he really going to be defeated?

"Your mom's like a shotgun, one cock and she'll blow!"

"Oh, we are lucky this story is rated T! It might even have to go up to M with these!"

"Your moms so fat, when she was swimming in the water, Spain declared her as a new land!"

"I like Spain…"

"Your moms so old, she owes Jesus 3 dollars!"

Suddenly, a bright beam of light beamed down, and an choir started to sing. Slowly, a figure started to float down from up above. IT WAS JESUS!

He slowly turned to Mike and said in a slow, deep voice, "Michael, is your mother here?"

He timidly shook his head.

The choir stopped singing. "Damnit! She owes me 3 dollars!"

He then, grumbling, floated back up.

"…Well that was weird. Moving on, it's Mike's turn!"

"What? Oh right…Your mom is so boring…I'm going to bed."

"Oh, FOSHIT! That one was good!"

Tenten started to sweat. Was she going to lose?

"Your mom is so stupid, when the doctor asked her sex, she said Mondays, Thursdays, and sometimes Saturdays!"

"I know that, I just did her yesterday!"

Can is thrown at Neji. Can hits Neji in the head. Neji suffers (even more) brain damage. Neji's still the commenter.

"Your mom's so ugly, she looks like something from FRANKENSTIEN!"

"…Now that kinda sucked."

"Your mom is so stupid, she could be TOBI!"

On cue, Tobi runs out naked, swinging Deidra's arm, screaming TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! With Diedra running behind screaming, "Bad Tobi! Tobi is NOT a good boy!" (I've been wanting to put that in for so long…)

Silence.

"Awkward…"

"Your mom is so ugly, her reflection quit!"

"Oh, now that was good!"

Tenten took a deep breath. She didn't want to use THAT ONE, but it looks like she had no choice…

"Your moms so ugly…she's…"

Everyone sat on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear what the next insult would be.

"Ugly."

Silence.

Then, THE EXPLOSION OCCURRED!

Everyone started screaming, Jesus came down, and Neji was jumping around in the commentators booth screaming into the mike "DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! THAT WAS GOOD! DAMN!"

Tobi ran out with a huge basket full of arms and threw them into the crowd screaming TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!

Everyone who ever died in Naruto came back to life and started screaming and cheering.

"TENTEN! TENTEN! TENTEN! TENTEN!" Everyone chanted, lifting her onto their shoulders and carrying her out of the stadium.

-In the Castle-

Everyone deposited Tenten to the floor and walked away, chatting about how wonderful that last insult was.

Neji, Lee, and Gai entered everyone left, and walked over to Tenten who was standing there looking very pleased with herself.

"Well, I hate to play the 'I Told You So' game, but, I told you so." She said, beaming.

The other three just stood there like -.-

Neji suddenly gasped.

"My babies! They're all alone! HOLD ON SNUCKEMS, MOMMYS COMING!"

Neji then tore out of the entrance hall towards the kitchen, with Tenten and Gai in his wake. Lee could not run because of his heels and dress. And because it was un-lady like.

Once they reached the kitchen they saw, oh the humanity, it had been demolished!

"What happened here?" Gai asked, stepping in and looking around in horror.

A guy with a clipboard walked over.

"Excuse me, are you Princess Gay?"

"No. I am Princess Gai."

"Sure. Anywho, you haven't paid your taxes in years, so we're evicting you."

"But I haven't lived here for years, no one has!"

"Actually, Osama Bin Laden has, but he fled the country and selected you because he saw your Span-sexy spandex ad and thought you looked like a stupid sucker, and sent all his taxes to your name."

Gai blinked. "Well, that one's a spirit breaker."

"Right, so the castle is being demolished."

Gai spread apart his arms.

"No! I won't let you!"

-Outside-

The four of them were bodily thrown out of the castle.

"Well, I guess the castle is going to be demolished…" Gai said sadly, then buried his face in his hands and stated to cry.

"It's all right Gai-sensei, we'll pull through!" Lee said, giving him the ever so deadly Nice- Guy pose.

Gai looked at him.

"Lee…you are so…so…STUPID! What kind of crap is that?"

Lee sniffled. "You're the one who taught me that!"

"I was probably on crack or something when I said that, it's total bull shit!"

Neji stared at Gai with stars in his eyes. "Finally, someone other than me and Tenten understands!"

"I know…" Tenten squeaked, wiping tears from the corner of her eyes.

Gai just looked at the three and sighed. "Meet here tomorrow at 7 for training, and BE PREPARED TO SWEAT!"

He then ran off to the land of men with purple beards and rainbows, where eyebrows and spandex live in peace, perfect place for your next vacation, call 1-800-SPA-NDEX for further details.

* * *

Finally! I never thought this would end! I had so many more ideas for this story, but I also have tons of ideas for other stories, so I want to write them down and post them, but I had to finish this first. 

So, it turned out a lot worse then I thought it was going to be. I had tons of candy fight sequences planed out and your mom jokes ready, and the ending was supposed to include them fighting the construction workers and Neji getting smashed by a wrecking ball into a tree, and Tenten was supposed to use dynamite to try and stop them, but ends of destroying it more…

Maybe some day I'll make a part 4 with the edited ending fight scene, but this is it for now.

No preview, I don't know which story I'm going to write down next, considering I have like 400 ideas.

NOW REVIEW!


	20. AN and Preview!

Hello all! Sorry, this isn't a chapter. XP

But keep reading anyway!

I'm reading my old stories, the ones in the begging and I am SCARED. They are so awful! SOOOOO, I'm going to rewrite them! Yay! Not all, but most. I'm going to try and do at least one a week. So just check in frequently and see if I've edited.

I've been in the writing mood lately, hence my other 4 stories that have all been published within the past week.

And with this story, it's like I said- editing the old chapters. But they're going to stay the same concept though, it's really just basic stuff like spelling, grammer, and making it more detailed.

Oh, and I AM working on another chapter here, it's just I really like the idea and it's about four pages now, and I know how it's going to end, I just need to work on a trasition into that part.

Here's a preview-

* * *

The man looked around, making sure no one was around or spying. When trying to sneak into a building full of people who were more than capable of murder, you had to be careful.

He saw no one, so using his amazing ninja skills, he hopped the fence and snuck around the grounds until he found his destination- the window of a certain inhabitant of the place.

With one last quick glance around, he opened the window and hopped in.

Now, to the average person, it would appear to be the room of a fifteen year old human male. There were clothes scattered across the floor and hanging of the back of the desk chair. There were papers covering said desk, along with some pictures and several scrolls. Also weapons and such were scattered around, and there was a faint smell of Axe deodorant around the room.

As I said, a fifteen year old boy's room.

But guess what?

It wasn't.

It was actually a secret lair, where terrible things happened and seldom few entered and lived to tell the tale. A place where people were tortured, evil plans were made, where a dark creature lived, a creature that was often called demon spawn or a monster.

It was Hyuuga Neji's room.

Few were brave enough to enter, but the man who just landed after jumping through the window was not afraid. Not one bit.

His name is Miato Gai.

Gai looked at the sleeping boy at on the bed, face down, sprawled out like an X and snoring ever so slightly. After several minutes of observation, making sure he was not to wake any time soon, he reached out a careful hand and plucked out a strand of his long, back hair.

Neji gave a small grunt and Gai froze. After a few moments, the soft snoring started again.

Gai exhaled. He would live to see another day.

He gently reached out and plucked another hair, and repeated the process a few times until he had a decent amount of hair, from pulled all over his head as not to create a bald spot.

He then looked around for any other objects of interest.

After about half an hour, he had an assortment of Neji's items, the ones he thought Neji wouldn't miss or notice. This included some of his famous tape, a kunai of his, a nearly empty can of Axe deodorizing spray, a pair of his boxers, a page ripped from his journal, and some of his hair ties.

But he needed something more, something Neji had used recently.

He raked his mind, trying to figure out what he could take, looking around the room. Then, it came to him- one of Neji's undershirts.

He picked up one randomly off the back of his chair and wondered if it was used or not.

There was only one way to find out.

He sniffed it.

Gai just stood there for a second with the shirt held to his nose, then his eyes went wide, his face turned green and he started to gag.

"Eww!" He screamed, moving the shirt as far away from him as his arm allowed.

"Damn, that is nasty! What is wrong with boys these days? I'm sure I didn't smell this bad!" Gai yelled, his eyes watering.

"Mmm…Gai-sensei?"

Gai looked over to see a half conscious Neji.

"What are you doing?"

"Umm…"Gai thought quickly. Maybe it was best just to tell the truth…

"I'm stealing some of your stuff to sell to your fangirls."

"Ohhh…"Neji said, then went back to sleep.

Gai just blinked, shrugged, and hopped out the window.

-In some dark ally-

Gai snuck down, looking around, making sure no one was looking as he knocked on a door that was unnoticeable to the naked eye.

A small little window opened. "What's the password?"

Gai looked around then whispered, "Ecky Ecky ding dong pogasnuka furweper Neji is great."

The window closed and the door opened.

Gai quickly snuck in before the door slammed behind him.

A whole bunch of girls looked up at him and squealed. "Gai! Did you bring the stuff?"

Gai chuckled. "Yeah I got it. And, I have a special item today!"

They all went Oooo… and looked up in wonder.

Gai plugged his nose and reached into the bag, pulling out Neji's shirt.

"Wow!" All of the girls screamed.

"And it hasn't been washed since the last time he wore it!" Gai yelled.

"Prove it!" One girl right next to him said.

He simply held it out for her to smell. She took one whiff and then keeled over, dead.

Everything was silent, then all of the girls held out money for Gai to take.

Gai chuckled as he grabbed the money, handing out all of Neji's belongings.

-The next morning-

Gai counted the money, a frown on his face.

Now, he was making about a thousand dollars a night, make no mistake, but he still wanted more.

He's a greedy little fugga.

But what to sell? Prices were going down in the Neji market. His hair was going to down to $50 a strand, his clothes were down to an average of $60 an item, even his diary was only selling for $130!

He needed something…new. Something that they didn't already have. That was the problem. They already each had a decent chunk of his hair, some of his clothes, and his journal was just boring. It probably had something to do with the fact that the only thing he ever wrote about was training. Gai knew he had a life outside of it, but he never seemed to write it down.

He should have his own T.V. show Gai thought. He would gladly sit down every night for an hour just to see what Neji did with his life when he wasn't around him.

Maybe he could kidnap Neji…

And sell him to his fangirls!

Miato Gai, you are genius.

* * *

Wow, my preview is longer than most of my previous chapters... 


	21. Neji Gets Sold

Well, this chapter is uh...Kinda...random. I started with a good idea and central point, but then I just got completely off track and then ended up just ending it because I was tired of it.

I didn't laugh even once while writing it.

That is just sad.

Anyway, it's time! Read and please don't kill me because of the crappiness.

Disclaimer: Alas, I have wasted many birthday wishes, but I still don't own SHIT.

* * *

The man looked around, making sure no one was around or spying. When trying to sneak into a building full of people who were more than capable of murder, you had to be careful. 

He saw no one, so using his amazing ninja skills, he hopped the fence and snuck around the grounds until he found his destination- the window of a certain inhabitant of the place.

With one last quick glance around, he opened the window and hopped in.

Now, to the average person, it would appear to be the room of a fifteen year old human male. There were clothes scattered across the floor and hanging of the back of the desk chair. There were papers covering said desk, along with some pictures and several scrolls. Also weapons and such were scattered around, and there was a faint smell of Axe deodorant around the room.

As I said, a fifteen year old boy's room.

But guess what?

It wasn't.

It was actually a secret lair, where terrible things happened and seldom few entered and lived to tell the tale. A place where people were tortured, evil plans were made, where a dark creature lived, a creature that was often called demon spawn or a monster.

It was Hyuuga Neji's room.

Few were brave enough to enter, but the man who just landed after jumping through the window was not afraid. Not one bit.

His name is Miato Gai.

Gai looked at the sleeping boy at on the bed, face down, sprawled out like an X and snoring ever so slightly. After several minutes of observation, making sure he was not to wake any time soon, he reached out a careful hand and plucked out a strand of his long, black hair.

Neji gave a small grunt and Gai froze. After a few moments, the soft snoring started again.

Gai exhaled. He would live to see another day.

He gently reached out and plucked another hair, and repeated the process a few times until he had a decent amount of hair, from pulled all over his head as not to create a bald spot.

He then looked around for any other objects of interest.

After about half an hour, he had an assortment of Neji's items, the ones he thought Neji wouldn't miss or notice. This included some of his famous tape, a kunai of his, a nearly empty can of Axe deodorizing spray, a pair of his boxers, a page ripped from his journal, and some of his hair ties.

But he needed something more, something Neji had used recently.

He raked his mind, trying to figure out what he could take, looking around the room. Then, it came to him- one of Neji's undershirts.

He picked up one randomly off the back of his chair and wondered if it was used or not.

There was only one way to find out.

He sniffed it.

Gai just stood there for a second with the shirt held to his nose, then his eyes went wide, his face turned green and he started to gag.

"Eww!" He screamed, moving the shirt as far away from him as his arm allowed.

"Damn, that is nasty! What is wrong with boys these days? I'm sure I didn't smell this bad!" Gai yelled, his eyes watering.

"Mmm…Gai-sensei?"

Gai looked over to see a half conscious Neji.

"What are you doing?"

"Umm…"Gai thought quickly. Maybe it was best just to tell the truth…

"I'm stealing some of your stuff to sell to your fangirls."

"Ohhh…"Neji said, then went back to sleep.

Gai just blinked, shrugged, and hopped out the window.

-In some dark ally-

Gai snuck down, looking around, making sure no one was looking as he knocked on a door that was unnoticeable to the naked eye.

A small little window opened. "What's the password?"

Gai looked around then whispered, "Ecky Ecky ding dong pogasnuka furweper Neji is great."

The window closed and the door opened.

Gai quickly snuck in before the door slammed behind him.

A whole bunch of girls looked up at him and squealed. "Gai! Did you bring the stuff?"

Gai chuckled. "Yeah I got it. And, I have a special item today!"

They all went Oooo… and looked up in wonder.

Gai plugged his nose and reached into the bag, pulling out Neji's shirt.

"Wow!" All of the girls screamed.

"And it hasn't been washed since the last time he wore it!" Gai yelled.

"Prove it!" One girl right next to him said.

He simply held it out for her to smell. She took one whiff and then keeled over, dead.

Everything was silent, then all of the girls held out money for Gai to take.

Gai chuckled as he grabbed the money, handing out all of Neji's belongings.

-The next morning-

Gai counted the money, a frown on his face.

Now, he was making about a thousand dollars a night, make no mistake, but he still wanted more.

He's a greedy little fugga.

But what to sell? Prices were going down in the Neji market. His hair was going to down to $50 a strand, his clothes were down to an average of $60 an item, even his diary was only selling for $130!

He needed something…new. Something that they didn't already have. That was the problem. They already each had a decent chunk of his hair, some of his clothes, and his journal was just boring. It probably had something to do with the fact that the only thing he ever wrote about was training. Gai new he had a life outside of it, but he never seemed to write it down.

He should have his own T.V. show Gai thought. He would gladly sit down every night for an hour just to see what Neji did with his life when he wasn't around him.

Maybe he could kidnap Neji…

And sell him to his fangirls!

Miato Gai, you are genius.

-The Next Morning-

"Hmmm… I seem to be running out of underwear…" Neji muttered as he dug through his torture chamber of a hovel, trying to find clothes to wear for the day. He was currently only in the overly large T-shirt he wore when he slept. He had already taken of the sweatpants he also wore.

But then he heard a little creak from behind. Which could only mean one thing-

Someone dared to enter his room.

Without permission.

They must PAY.

He quickly grabbed the kunai from atop his dresser and whirled around to face the intruder.

But before he could see who it was, he felt a sharp blow to the top of his head and he spiraled down into dreamland…

Gai chucked evilly as he picked him up and threw him over his shoulder.

"What's going on in here?"

Gai turned around to see Neji's uncle.

"Uhh…I'm kidnapping your nephew so I can sell him and get money for my own greedy purposes?" He replied nervously. He had many a time seen scars on Neji that came from this evil being.

"So…let me get this straight. Your taking him and selling him." Hiashi repeated slowly.

Gai gave a nervous nod.

"And he's not coming back?"

Gai nodded again.

Silence.

"Yes, thank you!" Hiashi screamed, dropping to his knees and kissing Gai's feet.

"We've been trying to get him out for years! But we're too afraid!" He rambled on, sobbing into the floor which might actually not be there under all the crap.

"Thank you, you are our Messiah…" He said, still sobbing.

Gai slowly backed out and climbed out the window.

Something was seriously wrong with the Hyuuga…

-At the training grounds-

Tenten sighed.

This was so…boring.

It was Lee's moms birthday, so he wasn't going to be here today, but where were Neji and Gai-sensei? Usually they were never late…

But then she heard heavy, fast footsteps coming.

"Finally…" She muttered as she looked up.

And saw a very strange, and slightly disturbing, sight.

Gai was running at her while carrying an unconscious Neji over his shoulder who was wearing only an overly large T-shirt.

"Sorry we're late, I was acquiring a new item for the Neji market." Gai said, dropping Neji quit painfully to the ground.

Tenten simply stared, mouth agape.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked, worried.

Tenten simply stared some more.

"..I think I know what it is." He said, in a wise voice.

"…" Tenten couldn't think. Her brain was currently screaming DOES NOT COMPUTE.

"Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. Even though you are only fourteen, this is a wonderful opportunity. I'm sure you and Neji will raise a wonderful child." He said in a sage-like voice.

This snapped Tenten out of her current vegetated state.

"What?" She screeched.

"Well, Tenten, it is quit clear that you are pregnant, and that Neji is the father. However, if you want him, it'll cost $1000."

Tenten stared at him. "You're trying to sell me Neji?"

"Yes. Either that or he gets sold to his fangirls." Gai replied in a business like voice.

"…But I'm not pregnant, and he's not the father because there is nothing to father." Tenten said, still confused.

"Oh, we'll see about that." Gai said, chuckling evilly.

-Later, outside Gai's bathroom-

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" A shrill scream could be heard miles away.

Tenten slammed open the door to look at Gai.

"This can't be right!" She said, holding one of those pregnancy stick things, which was blue.

"See I told you…" Gai said evilly.

The truth was that if it turned blue, you _weren't_ pregnant, but she didn't need to know that.

"I can't believe it…" Tenten said, in shock. "I never even slept with him!"

Gai coughed. "I heard you two in that closet when we were at the castle."

Tenten gave him a weird look.

"What are you talking about?"

"I heard you two. Now, it's nothing to be ashamed of, though a closet does seem like a pretty unromantic place to lose your vir-" Gai said, thinking a little.

"Nothing happened in that closet! All that banging was us trying to break down the door!" Tenten said.

"Now, Tenten, there is nothing wrong with fucking Neji in a tiny closet. Though he might be full of diseases…"

Tenten just stared.

"Anywho, moving on, I'll sell you Neji for $1000." Gai said, back in his business like tone.

Tenten sighed. "Tell you what, I'll give you 50 cents for him."

"Make it 25 cents and you've got yourself a deal." Gai said.

"Fine." Tenten said, pulling a quarter out of her non-existent pocket.

"Score!" Gai screamed, running out, slamming the door behind him.

And then came right back in.

This was his house.

-With Lee-

"Happy birthday Mom!" Lee yelled, looking at the rock.

"I can't believe you're 2 million years old today! Granite sure does last long…"

-With Neji and Tenten-

Neji groaned as he sat up.

Or at least, tried to.

And saw Tenten's angry face hovering above him.

"I'm pregnant!"

"…!"

"Yeah, and guess who the father is?"

"…Gai-sensei?"

WHAP.

"No, it's you dipshit!"

"…But we've never had sex! At least not that you know of…"

"WHAT?!?"  
"…Has anyone ever told you that you have the most beautiful eyes?"

Neji felt another sharp pain in his head as he was knocked out again.

-Later-

Neji woke up to see Tenten reading a book of baby names.

"Oh, hey Neji, what do you think of the name Peter? And if it's a girl, Patricia?" She asked, looking up at him and smiling.

"Uhh…" Neji was dumbfounded. Those weren't even Japanese names!

"This is so exciting! We're going to be parents!" Tenten squealed. "At first I was worried, but now I'm excited!"

"Um…Yay?" Neji said, confused. This day kept getting weirder and weirder. And where were his pants?

"But first we have to have a talk." Tenten said in a very serious voice.

Neji gulped.

"Things have to change if we're going to raise a child. You need to stop with your depressing emo shit. But before you get angry, I am changing too. I'm trying to overcome my weapons addiction. I go to a support group every Thursday night for an hour. I find it very helpful. I did some research and I found that Emos Anonymous meets every Wednesday night in a dark alleyway at eleven at night."

"…" Neji was seriously freaked out right now. He did not have any issues with emo-ism! Except for the whole everything sucks, I hate everything, everyone hates me, my family can kill me with a single thought, everyone who ever cared about me is dead, and an unhealthy obsession with death.

…

Okay, maybe she had a point.

"What makes you think your pregnant anyway?" Neji asked.

"Gai-sensei have me a pregnancy test and it came out positive." She replied.

"…Are you sure it was accurate?" He asked.

"Of course! It turned blue!" She said, in a voice that made him feel incredibly stupid.

"…I think you should take it again."

-Later-

"Oh my god, I'm not pregnant!" Tenten said in shock, stepping out of the bathroom.

Neji let out a relieved sigh. It wasn't that he didn't like kids, oh no, he loved them. He was like a natural born mother. He had even tried breast feeding a poor little baby once, not that it worked…

No, he just couldn't afford child support.

What?

You thought Hiashi didn't make Neji pay rent or for his food?

Oh no, he pays rent, for his food, his electricity bill, his water bill, and money so that Hiashi wouldn't tell anyone that his actual name is Samantha. His parents were drunk when they named him…Tragic, ain't it? Not really. I laugh at him. HA HA.

Back to the story.

"…So what now?" Tenten asked. The situation they were currently in was very awkward.

"…We go kill Gai-sensei." Neji replied. Tenten had filled him in on the whole selling-of-Neji to him.

And Gai-sensei owed him underwear, that little biznotch, he was the reason Neji had to so commando or wear dirty old underwear.

"Bit first, we have to do two things. One, you need pants. Two, since your not the father of my non-existent kid, I'm returning you." Tenten said.

Neji stared wide eyed. She would send him to his fangirls?!?

-Later-

"Gai-sensei, I want a refund." Tenten said.

Gai looked up from his big wad of money.

"Why?"

"There is no baby, so therefore there is no father, so therefore I have no reason to save Neji from his psycho fangirls."

"…Do you have a receipt?" Gai asked, reaching out his hand.

Tenten reached onto her pocket and handed him one.

Gai examined it for a few seconds, then started looking at Neji.

"Everything seems in order…" Gai mumbled as he lifted Neji's arms and behind his ears.

"Oh shit, don't look there!" Neji screeched as Gai started to look down his pants.

"Very well, here is your money." Gai said, handing Tenten her 25 cents.

"Thank you, it was a pleasure doing business!" Tenten said, then walked off.

Gai then turned slowly to look at Neji.

"So, it's just you and me, huh?" He said, chuckling evilly.

Neji gulped. Gai resembled Michael Jackson right now…

And we all know what that means.

He was a black guy who thought he was a white guy that thought he was a black girl who could sing!

Oh the horror!

I have to change the genre now to horror!

"We're going to your fangirls." He said, chuckling as he led Neji away by the hand.

Neji was seconds away from bursting into tears.

-Outside the Neji Fan club Door-

"Now listen Neji, this might seem very cruel, and you are probably asking yourself 'what have I done to deserve this?'. But Neji, think of this not as a bad thing, think of this as an opportunity to sleep with 500 girls at once." Gai said, winking at him.

Neji thought for a second. Maybe he was overreacting… I mean, **500! **When else would he be able to do that? Never!

"Okay, let's do this." Neji said, a brave expression on his face.

"Well then, let's go…" Gai said, opening the door.

"NEJI!" The scream of 500 fangirls could be heard in Suna.

-In Suna-

"God damn those stupid Neji fangirls!" Gaara screeched.

"I know! That lucky biznotch gets to have sex with 500 girls at once…" Kankuro muttered. "I wonder how many people are in my fan club..."

-In some dark closet somewhere-

A lone girl waved a little flag with Kankuro's face on it.

-The next morning in Konoha-

Lee happily skipped towards his teams training grounds. He had had a wonderful day yesterday, celebrating his mom's birthday His father had even gotten them some rocks for diner!

As he entered his training grounds, he noticed several unusual things.

For one, Neji had an insane I-just-got-laid-by-500-girls-and-you-did-not-take-that-biznotch grin on his face.

Two, Gai was counting a big wad of cash in his hands. He was guessing there was at least $100000 there.

And Tenten was crying, muttering about how she wasn't pregnant.

…

Okay, maybe it wasn't that unusual.

* * *

Some questions are better left unanswered... 

And there were none in this story.

Yes, Lee's mother is a rock. No, I do not know how that worked out. Actually, my friend and I have a joke that Lee's mother is Spongebob Squarepants. Look at the eyes! Do you see the resemblance?

Yes, Neji's name is Samantha. Don't ask.

No, Tenten is not pregnant, at least not in this chapter.

No, you are not that lone girl in the closet waving the flag with Kankuro's face on it.

Yes, Gaara has as many fangirls as Sam- I mean Neji, but he lacks an evil, greedy sensei to sell him to them.

Yes, Gai is the Hyuuga Messiah. All hail Gai.

Anyway, review!


	22. Drabbles Galore!

LE GASP! An update? Within six months of the last one? Can it be true?

Okay, it's the start of a new marking period so I had to clean out my notebook and I found like…5000000 random drabbles about Team Gai written when I was supposed to be doing work. So anyway, I was going to throw them out when my friend told me to type them up and post them here and I was just like…Why not. Of course everyone wants to read a whole bunch of pointless, stupid, not funny drabbles about the comic relief team of Naruto.

So feel free to bask in the glory.

Oh, and quick rant- I HATE MY HONORS ENGLISH 2 CLASS!! My teacher is a butthole, I'm the only one in there who isn't in eleventh grade, and he's making me submit a story for the Teen Literacy Festival because apparently I "have the potential to become a great author." I am 14! I don't even want to become an author! GRRR!!

This story is proof that all I am good at is retarded crack stories.

Oh, and I still have to edit the first few chapters…Grrr…And I have to get around to finishing the next chapter of Finding His Voice…ACK! So much writing has been placed on the Ally!

Oh, and quick warning. This story contains just about every Team Gai pairing other then LeeTen. You have been warned. And Neji is what we all know he is.

A manwhore extraordinaire.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, it would be renamed Team Gai, and it would all be about the most amazing team in all of Konaha, or the world for that matter, TEAM KONAHAMARU!! Just kidding, Team Gai RULES.

But of course, Team Gai is not the main team, so therefore I do not own Naruto.

* * *

"So Neji, do you get it now?" Gai asked Neji.

Neji cocked an eyebrow at him. "What's there to get? It's some stupid story."

"Yes Neji." Gai said in a slow voice one would use on a second grader. "And did you see any connections to our team?"

"Not really."

Gai sighed. "Then we'll start with the basics. Who were the main characters?"

Neji rolled his eyes and said robotically, "There were the two siblings who didn't really get along. The older was the boy who was loud, annoying, hyperactive, and had big dreams. The younger sister was more down to earth and calm, but also had a dream. There was also the grandfather that the brother looked up to who was also loud, hyperactive, annoying, and an idiot. Then there was the boy who was all emo and angst and hated his family."

Gai nodded. "Very good. Now what happened?"

"The sister and the boy from the other family made mad hot lovey love in the heat of the moment and then the girl got pregnant."

Gai nodded. "And what happened after that?"

"The boy got kicked out of his house and was sent to live with the girl he got pregnant. The four of them didn't get along at first, but eventually they learned to live with each other and they all became the best of friends and they lived happily ever after."

Gai nodded for the seventeenth time. "Now do you see any similarities to our team?"

Neji thought for a second. "You know…I think I see a few similarities…like each one of us sounds like one of the characters…but there is one major difference…"

Gai smiled, realizing Neji was getting it, and asked, "And what's that?"

"Tenten isn't pregnant."

Gai's smile vanished. "Well, she'd better not be."

Neji shook his head. "Gai, Gai, Gai… That was a crucial part of the story. And if we are each paired up with a character then it would only make sense that I go and get Tenten pregnant."

Gai stared at Neji. "I think you missed the point. The whole point was four people were brought together under circumstances they couldn't control and then learned to live together."

"But the circumstance was pregnancy, so it only makes sense that Tenten should be pregnant."

"Neji, we did have a circumstance that brought us together- being put on a team."

"But in the story it was her being pregnant."

"And with us it's becoming teammates."

"But in the story it was pregnancy. So therefore I need to get Tenten pregnant."

"Why do you want to get Tenten pregnant so badly anyway?"

"It's not the pregnancy itself it's more of the…**event** that must be carried out to become pregnant."

"…"

"…"

"…you slut."

Neji glared at Gai. "I'm not a slut." He stood up. "I'm a sexy slut!" Neji screamed while jumping in the air.

Gai's jaw dropped.

"_Oh yeah baby…So am I…_"

Came a deep, sensual voice from behind Gai. He wheeled around to see…

Chouji. In a very tight leather suit while leaning on a pole, a spotlight on him as slow, sexy music played in the back round.

"_This one goes out to all those sexy little sluts who need a little something to make their day._"

Gai stared, fighting down the urge to upchuck.

"_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…_" Chouji sang, stripping the top half of his tight leather outfit off.

"_I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat, what do you think of that?_" Chouji sang, walking over to them while swinging his hips.

"_I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car, too sexy by far…_" He sang while sitting onto Gai's lap.

Neji wolf whistled at him and cheered for Gai.

"_I'm a model you know what I mean. And I do my little turn on the catwalk. Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah. I do my little turn on the catwalk._" He sang, finishing by licking his lips and doing a not so sexy, sexy hair flip.

Neji clapped. "That was hot. Now I'm of to go and fulfill my destiny!" He yelled, jumping up into a Superman pose.

"You mean killing your family?" Chouji asked, voice back to normal.

"No, getting Tenten pregnant!" He called over his shoulder as he ran away.

Gai sighed. "You know Chouji, sometimes I wonder where I went wrong."

"You think you got it bad? I'm the one dancing in a leather man thong." Chouji replied.

* * *

Tenten carried the popcorn down the hall and was about to open the door when she heard, "Mine's so much bigger than yours Lee."

"No way. Just look at mine. Yours doesn't even compare."

Tenten paused for a second and pressed her ear to the door, listening to her two friends discussion.

"Lee, yours is so tiny it couldn't satisfy an ant."

"It so could. Yours is so small it couldn't satisfy an ameba."

"Dude, look at how long mine is. It's like…nine inches long."

"It can't be that long."

"LOOK! It is."

"Fine Neji, yours is long. But look at how thick mine is."

Tenten jaw dropped, shocked at this current conversation she was hearing.

"It's not that big."

"I admitted yours was long, now admit mine is thick."

"Fine, it's thick."

"But mine is better."

"Oh hell no…Mine is absolutely gorgeous."

"Mine is beautiful."

"Mine is nice and hard and stuff."

Tenten's face flushed as mental imagines flooded into her mind.

"So is mine."

Tenten's face burned even brighter.

"Yours isn't as hard as mine."

"It so is."

"But what's really weird is that mine gets harder in hot water, but in cold water it gets more…flaccid."

"Really? Mine too…"

"It must have been the way they were made. But admit it Lee, I have once again beaten you."

"Never! It's better when it's thick."

"Yes, but when it's longer it gets deeper penetration."

"But mine is still better."

"No it's not! Just feel mine. It's amazing."

"Okay…" She heard Lee mutter as the sounds of ruffling sheets and bedsprings creaked, obviously meaning someone was moving around.

She swore her face was on fire.

"It is pretty amazing. But to make it even, you have to rub mine too…"

"Okay…"

"Isn't it great?"

"It's…alright."

"See! Mine is better."

"…I'm about to shove mine into you…"

"Not if I do it first!"

"But wait!"

"Why Neji?"

"How do you think Tenten would react?"

"Our youthful flower? I don't know…"

"Oh well, moving on. I'm shoving it into you."

"No! That would hurt!"

"It'll feel good…"

Tenten squeaked as she heard Neji _growl_ out that last phrase, deciding she couldn't take it anymore.

She slammed open the door while screaming, "What are you two do…ing…" She faded away, looking at them comparing…

Kunai.

Neji and Lee looked up at her. "Tenten! Umm…Hi…"

She gaped at them.

"Why are you looking at us like that?" Lee asked nervously.

"I…I…I thought you were…" Tenten mumbled.

"We were what?" Neji asked.

"I thought you were comparing your…" Tenten felt her face heat up as she whispered the last part. "Penises…"

Neji and Lee stared at her in shock before Lee mumbled, "What made you think that?"

"Well…you were talking about…length…and thickness…and you were talking about shoving them into eachother and you were worried about me…like you two were gay or something…" She said, trying to fight down the blush.

"I meant I was going to stab Lee. And I was wondering about how you would react to us murdering eachother." Neji said numbly.

"Ohhh…Oops…" Tenten said, giggling nervously.

Lee and Neji glared at her.

"And you call me a pervert." Neji said, shaking his head.

"Well, it was an honest mistake." She huffed, placing her hands on her hips. "Now, I'm going to go and take a cold shower to get the images of you two out of my head…" She mumbled, leaving and closing the door behind her.

Neji and Lee sat there still as snakes until they heard the water going on in the bathroom.

They both sighed in relief as they tossed the kunai over their shoulders with a loud thunk.

"That was close." Lee said.

"Indeed. Now let's get back to what we were originally comparing…" Neji said, pushing himself up into a kneeling position, playing with the zipper on his shorts.

"Yes…let's…" Lee grinned, reaching behind him to grab the zipper of his suit.

"Mine's better."

"No way."

* * *

"Kakashi! I challenge you!" Gai screamed, pointing at the silver haired Ninja, much to two of his students dismay.

Kakashi looked up. "Oh, hi Gai. How long have you been there?" He asked casually.

"Oh…you are good…Your modern and somewhat hip attitude is very enticing…AND IT PISSES ME OFF!" Gai screamed at him, striking pose number forty five, or the one where he puts his hand behind his head and humps at the wall.

"Gai, I really have better things to do." Kakashi sighed, gesturing to his book.

Gai glared. "SOOOO.. you want to dance, eh?"

Kakashi put down his book at gave Gai a serious look.

"The Tango that is!" Gai screamed, ripping off his outfit to reveal a Tango outfit, throwing a red rose into his mouth.

"You always know what dances turn me on…" Kakashi muttered, pulling off his outfit to reveal a bright red, frilly dress.

Gai reached out and grabbed Kakashi's hand, spinning him into…him. "Let us dance."

The two on them each grabbed one of the other's hand, pointed it in front of them, and then wrapped the other arms around each other's waists, then started marching forward with the music that started playing out of no where.

Gai's students were standing there, jaws dropped.

Gai spun Kakashi around into a low dip, holding it for a second, then snapped him back up to stare intensely into each other's eyes for a second.

They then faced the other direction and repeated the process.

"It must be training…" Lee muttered before turning to Neji. "Neji! We must dance!" Lee screamed while grabbing Neji and yanking him off the wall he was sitting on.

"Get off of me!" Neji yelled, trying to wiggle out of Lee's killer grasp.

"But Neji! It is training!" Lee shouted, trying to restrain Neji who was now wiggling like a dying fish.

"No! They're acting like fagots!" Neji yelled, finally getting out of Lee's grasp.

"Now Neji, there is nothing wrong with embracing your inner fagot." Tenten said, snickering.

"And there is nothing wrong with embracing your inner lesbian. Now go find another hot girl and embrace your inner lesbians together." Neji said, glaring at her.

Tenten glared back. "Fine…you don't have to put it like that."

Neji gave her a surprised look. "I was being serious."

"What?"

"It's **hot** when two girls embrace their inner lesbians…" He said, a wide grin coming over his face.

Tenten stared into space for a few seconds before bitch slapping Neji while screaming, "PERV!"

* * *

"What's that?" Tenten asked.

"It's a voodoo doll." Lee muttered, wrapping a strand of hair around a badly made doll.

"But…why?" Tenten replied.

"Because Gai-sensei told me to make one of Neji and then I'd be able to beat him!" Lee cried, holding out the doll in a victory pose.

"…You know…Sometimes Gai-sensei doesn't give the best advice. He told me that if I bathe in chicken guts for a month that I'd be able to become a man." Tenten said.

Lee gasped as he looked up at her, eyes wide. "Really? But then who will become the female of the team? We must have at least one!"

Tenten slapped her head. "Lee, Gai-sensei doesn't always give the best advice."

Lee didn't seem to be listening. "Maybe if Neji bathes in turkey guts he can become a female…"

Lee then gasped. "I bet if I cut off this voodoo doll's penis, Neji's will fall off!"

Tenten's jaw dropped. "And why would you want to do that?"

Lee got a depressed look on his face. "Neji beat me there too…"

Tenten stared at Lee, then asked, "And how do you know?"

"Well…umm…well, look at the time, I've got to go." Lee said, chuckling nervously before bolting away.

"Neji…you…you…you slut! Both me and Lee! Who else, huh? Baki!?" She yelled to the sky, hoping somewhere Neji was hearing her.

-Somewhere in Suna-

Neji popped his head out from under the blanket. "I have the strangest feeling that Tenten is angry at me for cheating on her with Lee and basically everyone else in Narutopia…"

"I know how you feel. At least you don't have a curtain hanging in front of your face all the time." Baki muttered from beneath him. "Now let's get back to business."

"Indeed." Neji muttered. "But remember, we have to be done before four so I can meet up with Haku…"

* * *

"Gai-sensei?" Lee asked nervously.

"Yes, what is the matter most youthful student of mine?" Gai asked, striking the nice guy pose.

"Well umm…I have something I want to tell you…" Lee said, shuffling his feet and looking down nervously.

"And what is that?" Gai asked.

"I'm…I'm…I'm…HANNAH MONTANA!" Lee screamed.

Gai just stared. "…What?"

Lee pulled out a blond wig and put it on. "It's true."

"I…I…I can't believe it…" Gai muttered.

"I was planning on telling you but…it was just so hard…I mean…can you forgive me?" Lee/Hannah asked, tears welling up in his/her eyes.

"I dunno…This is just so…sudden…" Gai muttered.

"Well…_You get the best of both worlds!_" Lee started to sing.

"AHHH!! HANNAH!!" A bunch of fans cried as they ran over.

"_Chillin out take it slow, then you rock out the show!_" Lee sang, a rock band appearing behind him and playing along.

Gai blinked as more and more fans appeared out of no where.

"_You get the best of both worlds!" _Lee finished, taking a bow. He then turned back to Gai.

"See? I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid then I'd have to give up my double life."

"Well...I won't make you give up living a double life." Gai said, smiling warmly at Lee.

"Really?" Lee squeaked, hearts in his eyes.

"Yes Lee, you can continue living a double life. However..." Gai said.

"Yes? Anything for Gai-sensei!"

"You have to marry me!" Gai squeled, ripping off the top of his spandex to reveal a Hannah Montana shirt. "OMG! LIKE, I LOVE YOUR MUSIC! IT IS LIKE...OMG...LIKE...HOT!" He squealed, jumping up an down like a giddy fangirl.

"Not if I marry him first!" A voice came from behind Gai. They turned around to see...

Shino in a Hannah Montana wig. "Like, OMG. I am her biggest fan. I'm always so quiet because I'm dreaming about having little babies with her!"

SILENCE.

"I'll fight you for her..." Shino growled, bugs flying out of his sleeves.

"No! Violence isn't the answer!" Lee screamed.

"Hannah's right. Violence isn't the answer." Gai said.

"Thank you." Lee said, wiping a tear from his eyes.

"Violence is the question and the answer is yes." Gai said, cracking his knuckles.

"NO!" Lee screamed. "Don't fight!"

"Sorry Hannah, but some matters must be solved through violence and who marries you is one of them." Shino replied.

"Don't I get a say?" Lee asked, voice getting higher pitched by the second.

"NO." Both Gai and Shino said simultaneously before attacking each other.

"What have I done?" Lee asked like a girl in one of those cheap romance movies.

"Psst...Hannah..." Lee heard someone whisper behind him and turned around to see Sasuke.

"Let's get out of here." He whispered, looking around nervously.

"And go where?" Lee asked.

"Run away and get married of course! God! Let's go!" He hissed.

"Umm...No..." Lee muttered.

"Why not?" Sasuke asked.

"Because your...gay. And weird. And the author hates you." Lee said.

"..." Sasuke was silent before bursting into tears.

"You...you...you are so mean!" He cried out before running away.

Lee just blinked, then was about to turn back to the epic battle going on between Shino and Gai when he heard, "Good, he's gone."

Lee turned to look at...

Inari.

"Aren't you that little boy from the Land Of The Waves Arc?"

"Yep. But I love your music. Can we get married?" He asked.

"Umm..." Lee looked at Inari's cute face. "Why not?" What heartless jerk could say no to that face?

"Yay!" He cheered, jumping into Lee's arms.

The two of them then strolled off into the sunset.

* * *

Gai sat there staring at the wall when he heard a small voice say "Gai-sensei" from behind him and turned around to see Neji standing there looking very shy.

He briefly wondered why as he replied, "Yes Neji? Whatever is the matter?"

"Well...you see...I've been having these weird urges lately...and I know they're not healthy...but...they're so strong and..." Neji said all of this while looking down and shuffling his feet.

Gai blinked. "Well, you know Neji, you can always talk to me about any 'urges' you've been having." Gai said, ending in the nice guy pose.

"Are you sure?" Neji asked nervously.

"Of course." Gai replied.

"Well then...can I ride you?" Neji asked.

"..." Needless to say, Gai was stunned.

"I even got these." Neji said, holding up a wip and harness that would be used on horses.

Gai blinked, completely shocked. Who knew Neji could be so kinky?

"Umm...Sure Neji." Gai said, giving the nice guy pose again. Even if it meant becoming a pedophile, he would do anything for his students. (Besides, it was better Neji take out these 'urges' on him as compared to one of his other team members.)

-5 minutes later-

"I didn't know you meant literally..." Gai muttered though the mouth piece.

Neji shrugged, though Gai couldn't see simply because Neji was sitting on his back.

The way a little kid would sit on their Dad's back.

While playing Horsie.

"Now Hi ho Silver! Er...Green." Neji said, cracking the wip.

Gai let out a Neighing sound as he hoped up onto his back legs, running into the sunset as that music that they play during horse scenes played.

* * *

...Well...that was...special.

...

...

...

...

...

...

Don't sue me, sue Casey for making me post them.

I'm seriously really debating posting these. A lot have a lot of...sexual humor in them.

But Casey will kill me if I don't so...yeah...

Enjoy. And review.


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